To Love a Jedi
by Eowyn Organa
Summary: Padme's POV of the AotC love scenes. While Padme tries to forget the events of RotS on Alderaan, the memories of falling in love with Anakin keep coming back. It might help to have read my story Mixed Emotions first PLEASE R AND R!
1. The Day Fate Was Sealed

**To Love a Jedi**

**Chapter 1: The Day Fate Was Sealed**

Author's Note: These chapters might be short, considering that I am only doing one scene at a time.

* * *

The sun is setting. It is a glorious sight to see, the gold disk gently floating behind the mountains of Alderaan. The sky turns pink as it sets and the day ends. It seems like a sight that would fill anyone with happiness, yet it does not fill me with any such feeling.

When I see the sun set, I think about him.

It seems like it could have happened yesterday, yet it was so long ago. Who knew that time could pass so quickly years ago, yet now time slows and nearly stops. With each long day I am reminded my choice. The choice that made these horrible consequences. If I had listened to reason, and realized the danger, then I might not have caused this.

It was my fault that he went this way.

People tell me that there was nothing I could do, that it was fate, but fate would not be so cruel. I cannot believe that fate designed this horrible outcome. What did shape it were my selfish wants. I had learned in my youth that there would be sacrifices to be made for the good of the universe. I should have sacrificed my lust.

Instead, I sacrificed him, the republic, and everyone hurt by my decision.

I sacrificed my life, and the lives of my children. We shall all live in fear, wondering if we shall live to pass to the next day. We shall never know what it is like to be carefree and happy. Leia is happy now, but she will never feel happiness once she discovers what I have done. It has been four years since it happened, and in those four years she has lived without fear.

But that will change.

One day, she will know who her father is, and she will look at me in horror of what I have done. It seemed so simple, something that was so against evil that it would be impossible to contemplate the consequences.

Who would have thought that this would have all started with love?

That's where it begins, with love, my weakness. I was strong in mind and in body, promising to die rather than give in to evil. But I could not control my feelings of love. If love is harmless, then why did things turn out so? If love is natural, then why does it hurt to reflect on those days? Why did love have to cause this?

"Mummy?" A small voice squeaks. I turn. Leia is tugging on my skirt. Her beautiful brown eyes look up at me in worry as she says, "Are you going to cry again?"

I look back out to the sunset. She notices my sadness, but she will never know the cause from me. I shake my head. "No, Leia. I am not going to cry."

"But you look so sad." She insists.

I kneel down to her level. "I am sad."

"But, why?"

Oh Leia, the truth would hurt you. It would haunt you until anger and hatred rose inside you. I cannot let that happen. Not again. "I cannot tell you."

She smiles. "Don't be sad, Mummy." Leia hands me a flower.

I accept it, and give a small smile. Her life can give me some happiness, but not enough to cure me of this never ending depression. I hug her. "Leia, you are the only thing now that is close to my heart."

I remember when he was close to my heart. I remember when I would have given everything to spend time with him. I still wish that. But not like he is now. I wish he would be the way he was before. When I fell in love with him…those long years ago.

But it started long before I knew those feelings were there. When I was fourteen, it began…

* * *

I was queen of Naboo then. It was in the times of turmoil, and the beginning of the war. I had escaped from my planet and was posing as the handmaiden Padmé, while Sabé pretended to be queen. We had come to Tatooine in search of a hyperdrive generator since ours had been damaged in the escape. I had insisted on going with the party that was in search of a shop to find the parts. Little did I know that I was going to find more in this alien place…

When we first stepped into that dusty and cramped shop, we spotted a blue creature of some sort. My first impression was of a blue toad with wings. This was before I had completely learned not to taunt at other beings from other worlds. Because they too, were taunting us. The thing flew over to Jar Jar, Qui-gon, and me. "Hi chuba da naga?" It asked in its language.

"I need parts for a J-type Nubian." Qui-gon said, importantly.

The thing immediately switched to the official language of the republic and spoke with him. I did not listen to the rest of their conversation. I was too busy looking around. This shop had odd things like rusted droid limbs, oily power generators, and more than one dirty pit droid. It was very clear that this was a junk shop at its finest. I was unsure that even if we were even to find a hyperdrive generator, it would work. I had so many ill thoughts in my head, that I am surprised to see that the force did not blast me for them.

The creature yelled to someone in the back, "Peedenkel! Naba dee unko."

A boy with sun bleached hair appeared through an entrance. His hands and face had a bit of dirt on them, and his clothes were that of a peasant. Yet I sensed something unusual about him from the minute I first saw him.

"Coona tee-tocky malia?" The flying thing inquired.

"Mel tassa cho-passa..." The boy said, with a hint of annoyance.

"Chut-Chut! Ganda doe wallya. Me dwana no bata." It ordered. It looked back at Qui-gon and said in a typical salesman's voice, "So, let me take you out back. You'll find what you need."

Before the salesman led Qui-gon outside, the jedi gave Jar Jar a stern look. "Don't touch anything!" It said firmly. As he was going outside, he didn't see the rather large raspberry Jar Jar blew at him.

With them gone and Jar Jar occupied, it left me with that boy. He seemed to be cleaning a part of a droid. But I noticed his sapphire eyes gazing at me, and so I turned to look away. I had just pretended not to notice his eyes when he asked, "Are you an angel?"

I decided to chance a look at him. "What?" I asked. No one had ever said _I _look like an angel. Not even my parents. They went for the "princess" line. I was flattered in an instant.

The boy continued his proclamation. "An angel. I hear the deep space pilots talk about them. They're the most beautiful creatures in the universe. The live on the moons of Iego, I think." He gave a small grin.

What thoughts to come from such a small boy! He told me I was beautiful, in his own way. But I thought he was joking. "You're a funny little boy. How do you know so much?" I asked him.

"I listen to all the traders and star pilots that come through here. I'm a pilot, you know, and some day, I'm going to fly away from this place." He seemed to be wanting to impress me.

But I was amazed at the achievements of this boy. "You're a pilot?" I asked, for I knew of how many years it took the royal pilots to pass through the academy.

"Mmm-hmm. All my life." He replied coolly.

"How long have you been here?" I asked, this boy seemed so mature for his age.

"Since I was very little." He paused for a second to think. "Three, I think. My mom and I were sold to Gardulla the Hutt, but she lost us betting on the podraces."

I was shocked. "You're a slave?" I thought that slavery was outlawed in all parts of the republic. But I suppose that Tatooine, with its roguish nature, considers itself above the law.

I must have insulted him because he said, "I'm a person, and my name is Anakin."

Anakin, how I would come to know that name. That name I would come to love, and never stop loving. That is the name that would make me cry on dark nights. That is the name that I wish I had never heard.

* * *

Author's Note: So this is the first chapter! Like? Hate? Tell me so in a review! 


	2. When I Saw You Again

To Love a Jedi

Chapter 2: When I Saw You Again

Author's Note: I had to watch this scene three billion times to get it right. Please forgive for my tardiness.

* * *

_It had been months since she had seen that rough space pilot. She did not want to see him, and yet she did. It was impossible to believe that she would find _him_ attractive. She tried to deny this, but the more she tried, the more she couldn't help but feel for him. She remembered the fights they had, and how many times his attempted flirtations had angered her, yet somehow, they warmed her heart. When she saw him again, the first words out of her mouth were words she had never thought she would speak, "I love you."_

I immediately put down the holobook. I had tried to read, but I couldn't take that last sentence. I had always been partial to romances, but I can't bear to read them anymore.

I walk over to the window. I look out to see a courtyard below. There, Leia is playing with some boys from the palace, where we live. She laughs as she runs around trees, chasing them. Her laugh travels up to me. But I can feel it for only an instant before the coldness covers my heart.

Not even a child's laughter can cure me now. I am too far gone in my despair.

I sit on my couch and lounge upon it. I sigh, trying not to think about anything in particular. An image forms in my mind, as clear as if it were real. Anakin… Not a young boy on Tatooine, but a man. It was how he looked when I saw him again. So handsome and strong…knowing what he wanted in the world, yet plagued by tragedy…

No!

I must not think about him. I must keep those memories in the back of my mind, trying not to let them get the better of me. Anakin is gone, and thinking of him will not bring him back. I know my guilt and sadness will never go away, just as my love will never leave me. But I can at least, concentrate on the present rather than the past. The future can change, but the past can't.

Yet the present and the future are made from the past.

_Thunk!_

What was that noise? It sounds like it came from the closet. I walk over to it and open the door. I see what has fallen, my box of memories.

I kneel next to it and open it. This is the box where I put everything that reminded me on Ani. I have everything in here; the marriage certificate, little tokens he gave me, even the documents of the births of the twins, stolen from all the archives that they would be put into.

I go through the box, sinking into many years of happiness. The necklace that he had given me so long ago falls into my hand. He gave that to me when he was so young…when we were both young. At that time I did not know what he would grow up o be. I didn't know he'd grow up to be so…loving.

I sift through the contents fingering small snippets of memories. My fingers linger over the hologram of Luke, the child I haven't seen in years. I ruined his life as well as Leia's. I just wish I could have known my son.

What's this?

I lift a small holoprojector into the light. It is turned off. I finger it, wondering what it reveals. I do not remember it. On the bottom, two words are etched into the metal: _Missing you_. Missing you? It still sparks no memory. My finger hovers over the button to activate it. Am I sure I want to see what it will reveal? But I am to curious. I press the button.

An image on Anakin is revealed. This hologram must be old; he still has his padawan haircut. It must have been made soon after we were married. Now I remember, he had to go off into the clone wars, and so this was a way we could relieve out separation.

"When we are too far separated by communication, we shall still be able to see each other." I remember he had one of me, too. What happened to it? Does he still have it?

I look back at the young padawan's face. It reminds me of how he looked after our parting of ten years…The time my life changed forever…

* * *

At that time, I was no longer queen. I was senator of Naboo. This was the day after there was an attack on my life, unknown to me to be the work of Nute Gunray of the Trade Federation. After visiting the Chancellor, who I once considered a friend, he was bringing in jedi for my safety. He had suggested Master Kenobi. Like Ani, I had not seen Obi-Wan in ten years. I had remembered that Ani was going away to be his padawan learner, but I guess I did not think about it. After all, this was before I fell in love. 

I was standing on the balcony with Capitan Typho, minutes before my "bodyguards" were to arrive. I looked out to Coruscant. I always detested the capitol. I liked Naboo better, with more greenery and open spaces. I was thinking about why someone would want to kill me. The answer was obvious, the opposition against the proposal for an army of the republic. I had been making a list of senators in my head who might pose a threat when Typho said, "The jedi shall be here shortly."

I replied, "Thank you, captain. Let us hope that he shall be able to track down this killer."

He looked at me puzzled. "_He_? From what I understand, there are two jedi that shall be in our presence."

Again, I did not connect it with Ani. I supposed the other jedi was one dispatched by the council to help Obi-Wan. "Well then, let us hope they will be able to track down the killer."

"But, milady, they are here to help local security protect you, and that is all I understand."

"Perhaps the culprit shall stop these attacks and be drawn into the light." I suggested. "When jedi are called in, it means business."

That is when I heard Jar Jar exclaim in happiness, "Obi! Mesa so smiling to see-en yousa!"

I did not have the force, but there was something I sensed then. Some familiar, yet interesting presence. It was something I had never felt before in my life. Something made me almost afraid to turn around.

But I had to when Jar Jar said, "Senator Padmé! Mesa palos here!" I turned, despite that feeling, and did indeed see two jedi. "Lookie, lookie, senator! Disa jedi arriven!"

I walked over to Obi-Wan, since I recognized that face. I only glanced at the other jedi once. He had blue eyes and blond-brown hair cut in the padawan style, yet I did not recognize him. I felt something familiar, but I could not place it. This jedi seemed darker, not evil, but…different. Like something was keeping him in shadow. He was handsome, but being in the unisex world of politics, I couldn't openly call him so. The point is, he interested me.

After Obi-Wan bowed, he said, "It is a pleasure to see you again, milady."

I shook his hand. "It has been far too long, Master Kenobi."

I stole another look at the jedi. For a second I pondered the familiar feeling, then it hit me. It hit me like a jolt. It was those blue eyes. In an instant, I recognized that face. Anakin!

But I had to be sure. "Ani?" I asked him. He gave sort of a grin and walked forward, confirming my guess. He didn't look like the Ani I knew at all. I could only think of one thing to say. "My goodness, you've grown." It was true. He was no longer a boy.

"So have you." His eyes held my gaze. "Grown more beautiful, I mean." I gulped. Ani wasn't supposed to talk like this! I could feel everyone looking at me, then at him. I guess Ani could sense Obi-Wan looking at him funny, because he said, "Well, for a senator, I mean." I guessed he tried to make it sound like a joke. His facial expressions made it seem thus.

I followed him up on that, because I too, believed it to be some secret jedi joke. I gave a small laugh. "Oh, Ani, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine."

I think I hurt him with that comment. He seemed less cheery later on in our meeting. Now I realize why. I still thought of Anakin as a little boy, and I was shocked at his transformation. His gaze had made me feel uncomfortable. And so I tried to feel more comfortable by thinking of him as young. He was four years younger, but ten years makes it matter less than it did when I was fourteen and he, ten.

Though that day ended uncomfortably, our conversation had planted something that, with time, would only blossom and grow. Yet our love was not a rose without a thorn. Our love was a tiny rose, surrounded by a nest of sharp, poisonous barbs. Waiting to prick us both.

* * *

Author's Note: Poor Anakin! I always felt sorry for him in this scene. Maybe I should do it from his POV… 

(Did anyone notice the Han/Leia reference?)


	3. What Is This Feeling?

**To Love a Jedi**

**Chapter : What Is This Feeling?**

Author's Note: Ah, yes. _This_ scene. 'Tis one of my favorites

_

* * *

_

"Look, Mummy!" Leia says, chasing a butterfly. She grabs the air, missing it by seconds. She laughs and proclaims, "I almost had it!"

I laugh also. "Leave the poor butterfly alone. It has a family to fly home to. With little baby butterflies to take care of."

"But I just want to get it so I can feed it!" She tells me, grasping again for it with her petite hands

I draw her away from the butterfly, over to where I am sitting on the stone of the courtyard. "It can get food on its own, Leia. And I doubt it will want any food we humans eat."

I hear footsteps behind me and I turn. It is Bail Organa, the one allowing Leia and I to stay here. His face is grave. "What is it?" I ask.

"Milady," He begins, "There is an urgent meeting that requires your attendance."

I nod. "I will be there shortly." As he leaves, I turn to my daughter. "Leia, Mummy has to go to a meeting. I'll be back in a little bit. Do you know where to go?"

"I go see Nanny!" That is her name for her servant.

"That's right! Be good for Nanny. I'll come get you when it's over."

She kisses me on the cheek. "Bye, Mummy!" And she runs off as fast as her little legs can carry her.

I watch her go and sigh, and I walk to the meeting room. I don't know what this is about, but by the look on Bail's face it doesn't look good. I have lived for four years in peace on Alderaan, I don't want that to be gone. The shelter and comfort that I feel here is amazing. I am safe, because they have no army, it is under minimal empire control. Alderaan is almost as beautiful as Naboo, and since they are sister planets, I feel like I am back in my own homeworld.

If I could, I would have taken Leia to Naboo, but the Empire is hovering over the planet. The people I once held rule over are now starving in the streets. Instead of our government ruling things, an important officer holds the office. People die of terrible raids for jedi or rebels, and their search for another important thing—me. I wonder, is it something about Naboo?

As I walk in, I see several faces. Bail Organa of course, a few officials from the Alderaan government, Mon Mothma, a few more senators that had fled here, and a person under a heavy cloak. They take off the cloak and I gasp. It is Obi-Wan.

This company would not be here for any light reason such as trade. This must be important. I greet each one formally, and then I sit down at the table where they are seated. I wait for someone to speak, but all is silent. The silence overcomes me and though it is not proper, I must ask, "What is going on?"

They all stare at me and Obi-Wan begins, "We have received word from the spies of Mon Mothma, and…" He seems unable to finish.

I am alarmed now. "Yes? What is it?" I beg for an answer.

Mon Mothma sighs. "Several spies in the capitol are in the Empire's senate, and…" She doesn't say it to me, but she shows me a hologram from the projector at the center of the table. I see my face, from a picture taken seven years ago. Under it is the word "Wanted". My eyes stare in shock as I read the message. Its description of me perfect, and it even asks for my "child". When I have finished, I stare back into their worried faces.

"How does he know this?" I ask. "I thought he believed I died." When I think about this, I think about the heartbreak my "demise" must have caused him.

Mon nods. "We thought so too, until we received this. Someone must have known you lived, and gave word to the empire."

"We are sure they do not know where you reside." Bail assures me. "And it is obvious they do not know of your children."

My eyes shift over to Obi-Wan. "Luke?" I ask.

"Vader knows nothing. I assure you, Luke is safe with his aunt and uncle." That relieves my fear a little.

Bail coughs, and says, "But there is a question of your security here, milady."

"I thought I was safe here." I do not wish to be locked away.

"You are safer here than anywhere else. But you may have to regulate your visits to other places besides the palace. When you go places, try to be inconspicuous and wear things that may hide your identity."

"What about Leia?"

"There is no threat to her, yet." Yet. I do not like the sound of that.

Obi-Wan clears his throat. "This brings up another question. With Vader in pursuit of you, he is more dangerous now then ever."

"We are putting together a group of spies that will get into his personal council and with their help; we may succeed in kill—"

"No!" I stand up from my chair so abruptly, I knock it over. "You cannot kill him!"

"But, milady," Bail tries to calm me down. "He is dangerous. He wishes for your death! It is better to bring him down now—"

"I don't care!" I bellow causing several people look at me in concern. "No matter what he is now, inside him is the heart of my husband!"

Mon Mothma now tries to convince me. "Milady, you must understand. Your husband has now been replaced by a monster. He is dead."

"But he may come back!" I look Obi-Wan straight in the eyes. "Anakin may come back."

"Your life is in danger." Mon declares. "You life is in danger by the man you once loved. He has the blood of thousands of people on his hands. By letting him live, you would also have the blood of the people he killed on your hands. Do you wish to be responsible for hundreds of deaths?"

I stare at each person at that table. They all seem to agree. But I cannot. Though I know what she is saying, I cannot bring myself to agree to her suggestion. My eyes fill up with tears. "I can't let you kill him." I repeat.

Without thinking, I run from the meeting chamber. I run, not directing myself anywhere. People in the hallways look at me, but I do not stop. At the end of a hall, I throw open the doors at the end and run to the balcony. I stop as I reach the rail.

A single warm tear races down my cheek as I look out at the capitol city of Alderaan. I think about what I heard. They want to kill Anakin. Because he is after me. It makes me remember when my life was once also in danger, but it was when Anakin was trying to protect me…

* * *

I remember that day well. It was the day after the second attempted assassination. I had hoped to remain in the capitol, but I knew that they would never allow me to stay even though I had to finish my opposition. I knew the answer even before Anakin delivered it to me. 

"You're to leave for Naboo." He reported, just after he left the jedi council.

"I should have known." I told him. I wanted to explain why I needed to stay, But I suppose he already knew. "Who is to accompany me home?" I asked.

"I am." He said proudly.

This was information I did not expect. "Y-you are?" He had told me he had never had a mission on his own before. He was younger than me, so at first I was wary. "I doubt anyone will try anything once I get home."

"Even if they do, they won't live to get near you." His hand wavered over his lightsaber, and he grinned. This frightened me. Anakin was already pledging his life to protect me.

"I need to call Senator Binks." I said, walking over to the intercom. "Jar Jar Binks, I request an audience with you."

Five minutes later, the gungan was inside my apartment. I immediately instruct him. "I'm taking an extended leave of absence. It will be your responsibility to take my place in the Senate. Representative Binks, I know I can count on you."

Jar Jar seems take this seriously. "Mesa honored to be taken on dissa heavy burden. Mesa accept this with muy muy humility and da..."

If I didn't stop him then, he would have gone on forever. "Jar Jar. I don't wish to hold you up. I'm sure you have a great deal to do." I trusted that would end it.

And it did. "Of course, milady." He bowed and left, leaving me to go pack.

As I walked by Anakin, I thought I'd voice my opinion again. "I do not like this idea of hiding!"

I heard him speak while Dormé helped me pick out my outfits. "Don't worry, now that the council has ordered an investigation it won't take them long to find this bounty hunter."

I knew that was true, but I was still frustrated. "I haven't worked for a year to defeat the military creation act to not be here when its fate is decided!"

"Sometimes we must let go of our pride, and do what is requested of us." This was mature advice. It made me realize that he was mature.

"Anakin, you've grown up." I said, by his looks and his temperament it was true. He was so different, as I said on several occasions.

He turned away, as if something was troubling him. "Master Obi-Wan manages not to see it." He paused, thinking about his words. "Don't get me wrong, Obi-Wan is a great mentor." He played with a silver ball I had on my windowsill. "As wise as Master Yoda, and as powerful as Master Windu." He puts the ball down. "I am truly thankful to be his apprentice."

I cold sense there was more to this talk than just praise, and then Anakin confirmed it. "But in some ways…in a lot of ways, I'm really ahead of him. I'm ready for the trials, but he feels that I'm too unpredictable! He won't let me move on!"

I didn't know how to react to his aggravation. "That must be frustrating."

"It's worse! He's overly critical, he never listens, he doesn't understand. It's not fair!" I guessed that he was just barely mature, from that speech. I didn't know why he would tell me of his troubles otherwise.

I responded in a way to try to make him understand. "All mentors have a way of finding more of our faults then we would like, it's the only way we grow."

He sighed. "I know." He sat on my bed.

I decided to try to comfort him. "Anakin, don't try to grow up too fast." That was the mistake I had made. Wasting my childhood worrying about other things besides what a child should worry about. Before I knew it, I was too old to be a child.

He stood up, across from me. "But I am grown up. You said it yourself." He then gave me a look that was imprinted in my memory for all of time. If I could describe it, I would say it was his grin, with an _interesting_ look in his eyes. Like he wanted something. That look did two things. It made me want to back away from him, but it made my heart rise just a bit.

"Please don't look at me like that." I begged in a whisper, hoping Dormé would not overhear.

"Why not?" He said arrogantly, still keeping that look.

Every second was making me feel a weird feeling. All I wanted was to back away, before it continued. "It makes me feel uncomfortable." I proclaimed sternly, walking away.

I barely heard him say, "Sorry, milady." He wasn't sorry at all.

Thinking of that day, what I remember most was wondering what that weird feeling was.

* * *

Author's Note: Dormé is in that scene! Look in the beginning the first time you see the closet. SHE IS THERE! I wonder why Anakin still did the "look" even though the had a chaperone, sort of. 


	4. Dreaming of the Future

**To Love a Jedi**

**Chapter 4: Dreaming of the Future**

Author's Note: I BOUGHT THE AOTC SOUNDTRACK! I'M LISTENING TO IT RIGHT NOW! (Oh yeah, this chapter has a tiny spoiler for RotS.)

* * *

_Out of the fog, a blurry shape emerges. As it walks toward me its shape can be confirmed as human. I cannot see its face but I judge it to be male. The figure is tall, and I can see a cloak wave in the background. I take a step backward, frightened by this figure. "Don't be afraid." He says, in a voice I can barely recognize. He beckons to me._

_I do not move closer. "Who are you?" I ask._

_A smug laugh comes from him. "You don't recognize me? I should have figured. You didn't recognize me when I saw you again, either." As if a light came on him, and I now see who it is._

"_Ani?" I ask, and then I run towards him, into his arms. He pulls me close and hugs me as if we haven't seen each other in years. "Ani," I say, holding on to him with all my might. "Oh Force, Ani! I thought…they said you were…Oh Force!" I bury my head into his shoulder, crying._

_His hand comes to steady me. "It's all right now, Padmé. We're here now. We're together. We'll always be together."_

"_I know." I reply, still weeping. "Ani, so much has changed. I'm in hiding. And…my children! Ani, you have to see them! They haven't seen you!"_

_He whispers in my ear. "Time for that later. Now, let's be together. Like we should have been all this time."_

_I close my eyes, leaning against him. "You're right. Ani, I wish I could have said it that day, I love you."_

_His voice changes into a tone I never heard before. "You say you do." His hands suddenly dig into my skin, instead of gently holding me._

_I break away, worried over this change. "What's that supposed to mean?"_

"_This." I look on in terror as his face suddenly distorts. Instead of the face I recognize, with the long hair and the beautiful smile, it transforms into a bloody scabbed mess. His face is burned and red, and his hair has been incinerated. He grins evilly as his limbs disappear and are replaced with burned stumps. I am too terrified to scream as his blue eyes glare at me insanely. His mouth opens, and blood pours out of it as he says. "This happened to me. The volcano, remember? You say you love me, but you did this to me!"_

_I step backwards. "Ani, no! I love you! I didn't do this to you!"_

_He reaches out a hand that is so scabbed it looks like old wood. "Look what you've done!"_

"_Ani…!" I plead, but suddenly he changes again. The scars and scabs are covered in blackness. A suit of black is placed over him, and his breathing becomes labored. I can hear the pulse in my ears. I look at what used to be his face, and I am so frightened I cannot run._

"_YOU DON'T LOVE ME! YOU MADE ME THIS! IT'S YOUR FAULT!" As he pulls out his lightsaber, I hear the screams of his victims. I see their blood on my hands. The cry for help, but I cannot help them. _

"_You did this!" Their screeching voices cry. "You killed us!"_

"_No!" I cry, to them and to Ani. "Please, Ani, no…"_

_He comes closer with the red blade humming menacingly. "You made me what I am today. I wanted love, though I couldn't have it. You gave it to me. My lust for you drove me mad. Your lust for me made me want to kill to protect you. I have you to thank for this new form." He flexes his fingers beneath the glove. "This machine. You made me lie awake at night worrying. You made me want to control the galaxy. You made me want to go to the ends of the earth, which I did." He walks closer as I try to back away. "All this lust, pain, worry, and sorrow is a torture you bestowed on me." He lifts the lightsaber. "So, Padmé, I need to thank you."_

"_No!" I beg, "Ani, please! I love you!"_

"_Silence! If you loved me, you wouldn't do this to me! You ruined me! Those people, I killed them. I killed them all. I hate them! Like I hate you!"_

_I scream as the red blade flashes down at my body…_

I jerk awake. Breathing heavily. It takes me a few seconds to remember where I am and that it was a dream. I feel my forehead and see that I am drenched in sweat. I guess I need a little fresh air.

I walk to the balcony and look out on Alderaan at night. The dream still haunts my mind. I wonder, is Ani's suffering my fault?

Yes.

What he said was true, every single sentence. He did suffer because of me. He did worry, though I told him not to. His love for me drove him mad. Like his love for his mother. Jedi aren't allowed to love…He knew that phrase, as did I, but we had no respect for the rules. I had learned to follow rules, but I did not want to. We couldn't help ourselves. But we should have.

When he fell in that volcano, he was fighting because of me. His worry caused him anxiety, and he couldn't take it. He felt like he needed to control everything. Like he needed to control the galaxy.

I know that's why he's searching for me. His love has turned into a wanting obsession. He wants to control me. I don't think he would kill me, or his children if our paths were to cross, but I know it would not be a good situation.

I wonder what he would think if he knew of these dreams I've been having. I know I must forget him, and try to live happy, but I do wonder.

_Jedi must not love…_

Dreams of him. Like dreams he had of me. So long ago…

* * *

Anakin and I were fleeing Coruscant as refugees. Though I loathed the idea of leaving when I had an important debate, I longed to see Naboo. Everyday I was gone; I missed the greenery and the beauty. Coruscant was okay, but Naboo was my home. 

The day I learned Anakin might like me more than a friend, we were in the dining compartment, eating and talking. Catching up on things we didn't get to say before. I told him of my new part in politics, he told me about being a jedi. It was wonderful, something I had missed.

"You mean you have act polite, even if an Ylixian's oozing pus all over the floor?" He asked, astonished.

"Yes, and, if you recall, he had an excuse. An infected blaster wound is no joke."

Anakin stared. "Force, your life is tough."

I raised my eyebrows. After nearly all my life involved in it, politics was a breeze. "_My_ life? What about you, mister jedi?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I don't really recall anything tougher than fighting off a nest of gondarks. And would you remind Obi-Wan to tell the story right? He did NOT sense danger right before he fell in, and he did NOT kill three of them by throwing his lightsaber into a spin. That was me."

I laughed. As I noticed, he had lost none of his sense of humor. I heard a familiar beep and saw R2 carrying a bowl of soup. "Thank you R2." I told him, as he beeped happily and rolled away.

I went back to my conversation with Ani as I ate. I had to explain what I had meant by the earlier question. "It must be difficult having sworn your life to the jedi. Not being able to visit the places you like, or do the things you like—"

He interrupted, "Or be with the people that I love?"

I was surprised at that question. The first kind of love I thought of was the kind between a man and a woman. Then I remembered the love for friends. I assumed he was talking about platonic love not _love_. "Are you allowed to love?" I asked, again thinking of platonic love. "I thought that was forbidden for a jedi."

Anakin gave me a small grin. "Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a jedi's life." He smiled. "So, you might say we are encouraged to love."

This gave me a slight tinge of nervousness in my stomach. But since I had grown up having to mask my feelings for politics, I hid it carefully. "You've changed so much." I told him. Which was true. He was still Ani, but he was also a different and exiting person, changed by the jedi order.

"You haven't changed a bit." He said. "You're exactly the way I remember you in my dreams."

That sentence made me forget masking my feelings. I stared, in shock. He was having dreams about me. Dreams. About me. That wasn't something that friends usually had. As I looked at him, I saw something more. A small thing in my brain told me that he might like me as more than a friend. I didn't want to believe it, because there was I small chance that it was the same way with me. I said nothing and returned to my meal, hoping that last comment would be forgot.

Sensing that he made me uncomfortable, he also sat in silence.

* * *

I should have known from that day that we were not just friends. That we could never be friends. Even though we had four years between us, something still connected us. After all, the gap between fourteen and ten was a lot wider than the gap between twenty four and twenty. I should have sensed what was to come. 

Ani, I should have known we would fall in love. I should have known that if we did, what consequences would occur. I should have known I would cause you to be like you are now. A machine devoid of any human compassion. Insensible to touch or to feeling.

All love, including unconditional, forgot.

* * *

Author's Note: ONLY TWO MONTHS TILL ROTS! I CAN'T WAIT! 


	5. What Is There That I Can't See?

**To Love a Jedi**

**Chapter 5: What Is There That I Can't See?**

Author's Note: A series of events made it impossible for me to update until now. Anyway, you might recognize the AotC scene as a deleted one. I liked it, so I brought it back from the cutting room! (BTW, the part from the present IS a story too, not just some random scenes. You'll see what I mean in a couple of chapters.)

* * *

I hurry along to the meeting room once again. Bail Organa has just told me that he has some important information for me. Information regarding _family_. That's all he dared tell me in public. That's just like him, leaving the important details for later. 

But what could it be about? _Family_? Is it about Anakin? Luke? Leia? Does Anakin know about them? Are they in danger?

When I finally reach the meeting room, I take no time to make formal greetings. My imagination has has given me too many frightening scenarios. "What is it?" I ask.

Bail swallows, mentally preparing himself for the news. "Milady. We have information on…your family."

I am still confused. "M-my family? Who do you mean? Anakin, Luke, Leia?"

He shakes his head. "Not _that _family. I mean your family…on Naboo."

My family on Naboo…Does he mean my parents and Sola, and her kids? Are they alive and safe? I haven't heard from them in years, four years to be exact. Right after Ani…changed. I had to contact them. I had to tell them everything. I knew I might not get another chance. The minute Leia and I were settled in the Alderaan palace, I sent them a hologram.

"Mom? Dad? Sola?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from being tense.

"Padmé!" My mother said, sounding more worried than ever. "What happened? I tried to contact you at the capitol, but with that war—"

"Mom," I cut her off "I'm not on Coruscant. I'm on Alderaan."

"_Alderaan?_" She asked. "What—"

I cut her off again. "Get Dad and Sola in here. There's…there's something I need to tell you all."

Once everyone was gathered, I began. I was nervous, finally telling the truth I had been hiding for three years. "Do you remember…Anakin when I brought him to meet you?"

"Anakin?" Sola asked. "You mean that dashing jedi?"

"Yes." I replied. "You see…well…" I felt a tear cling to my eye.

"Padmé, what is it? Tell us, please." Mom begged. She must have noticed that I was on the verge of crying.

I wiped the tear away. "Anakin and I…we…we got married. In secret. Three years ago."

I watched the surprise on their faces. The silence was deafening. Finally my father said, "Why in secret?"

"Jedi aren't allowed to marry." I told him. _They aren't allowed to love, either._ I reminded myself.

"Why didn't you invite us?" Sola asked. "We wouldn't have told."

"I know. It's just…there was a problem."

"What?" Mom said, doing very poorly at trying to hide her concern.

I felt another tear come. "There was the war and…and now…" The tear came down my cheek. I felt my voice waver. "He's gone."

"Gone?" My father said in a whisper. "He's _dead_?"

I was fully crying by then. "No. Not dead. He just…changed. Well, not like normal change. He was good to me, he never hurt me. He still loved me but…I did this to him!"

I could hear my Mom's comforting voice. It was almost like she was close to me. I knew that she would have liked nothing better than to pull me into a hug like she did when I was little. "Padmé, whatever it is, we don't blame you for it. But we have to ask you, what happened?"

I looked into my mother's eyes. They only showed concern for me. "Jedi cannot love." I replied. "It makes them do crazy things. And he did do crazy things. For me. Because he believed me dead…He..he…" I had to pause, but then I continued. "He is Darth Vader."

Their looks of terror were more than I could bear. Silent tears came down my cheeks. "I'm sorry." I cried.

"No, Padmé, it was not your fault." Sola told me.

"I'm glad you told us." My father said.

"I shouldn't have told you, but I had to. Anakin might come looking for me. And he knows about you. You're in danger now."

"We won't tell him." Sola replied bravely.

"You have to get out." I told them. "You have to leave. He may not know I'm alive, but if word does reach him, he'll try to find me."

"Don't worry." Mom said. "We'll get out. And…Padmé, we love you. We will always love you."

I nodded. "I love you too, that's why I had to tell you." My finger strayed over the off button, but I thought of something. "And…Mom?" She looked back at me. "I gave a small smile. "You're a grandmother. Again." Then I turned it off. That's the last I ever heard or saw of them.

"Milady?" Bail's voice shook me out of my memory.

"Yes?" I ask.

"We found them. Your parents, your sister, your nieces, all of them." His face looks grave…

_Found?_"A-all of them?" I need to know everything. "Where? What system?"

"They were found in a small village in Naboo."

I rush to the door. "I have to go to them! I haven't seen them in years—"

He grabs my arm, stopping me from leaving. "Padmé," He uses my name. "They're dead."

Dead? "W-what do you mean? But…they can't be…"

He places his hand on my shoulder. "It was Vader."

"What?"

He looks down. "I'm sorry. According from information, we received, it was five months ago. They were on a wanted list. Stormtroopers found them in the village they were hiding. He came in, and questioned them. And your mother made the mistake of telling him how you still love him."

Mother…she…accidentally told him…?

"He was quite surprised. When he asked of your whereabouts. They would not tell. It wasn't until your sister Sola called him Anakin and asked him why he went this way if he loved you so much. Then…the stormtroopers fired."

I can't believe it…Ani…he met them before. How could he kill his in-laws? Ani, don't you remember them? You liked them, and they liked you. And they saw how it was between us…

* * *

After we had landed at Naboo and met with the queen, I knew I had to see my parents. It had been so long since we last saw another, and I also wanted to introduce them to Anakin. 

"Why do you want to show me your parents?" He asked, as we set out from the palace.

"Well," I replied. "I already met your mother, so it's only fair. Plus, you have to follow me around anyway, and I wanted to visit them." That statement was only half true. I was like a child, wanting to show my parents a new friend or a pet. But Anakin was hardly a new friend or a pet.

We walked for a little bit in Theed, until we finally reached it. "We're here." I said, turning back to Anakin. "This is my house."

Immediately from inside came my two nieces, Ryoo and Pooja. As I bent down to hug them, Anakin smiled. I guess he was thinking how good I was with children. After me, they ran to R2. While he amused them, I went inside.

The first person I saw was Sola. I ran up and hugged her. "Padmé!" She said, "We were so worried!"

It was then I remembered to introduce Anakin to her. "Anakin, this is my sister Sola."

"Hello." He looked a bit uncomfortable.

While Sola returned the greeting, Mom walked in. "This is my mother." I told him.

"Hello." She said cheerfully. "You made it just in time for dinner. I hope you're hungry, Anakin."

"A little." He replied as we sat down.

"He's being polite, Mom. We're starving."

Dad sat down at the table also. "Well, you've come to the right place at the right time."

"Honey, it's so good to see you safe." Mom replied. "We were so worried."

"Dear…" My father warned her.

"I know, I know. But I had to say it, now it's done."

I noticed my Dad looking at Anakin. Like he was…looking him over. Giving him the "father look" like he used to do to Sola's boyfriends. Anakin smiled, and that seemed to make him happy.

Sola decided to tell me why Dad was acting so funny. "Do you know Anakin, you're the first boyfriend my sister's ever brought home?" She gave me a small wink.

"He's not my boyfriend!" I retorted. I couldn't help but glance at Anakin through the corner of my eye. He looked…disappointed. I couldn't figure out why. "Anakin's a _friend_. We've known each other for years." Sola rolled her eyes, still not believing me. I had to let her know that there was nothing between us. "He's a jedi assigned by the senate to protect me."

My mother was alarmed. "A body guard? Oh, Padmé, they didn't tell us it was that serious!"

I didn't want her to worry. "It's not, I promise. I'm not in any danger, Mom."

My father didn't believe it. "Is she?"

"Yes." Anakin said. "I'm afraid she is."

I gave Anakin a glare. I don't have the force, but I am sure he knew I was trying to tell him that I wasn't too happy about that comment. Then we resumed our dinner, silently eating, with the occasional nervous stare from my mother, Sola winking at me, and my father making glances in my and Anakin's direction. I should have known something was up.

I found out what it was after dinner, when I was helping Mom and Sola wash up. "Why haven't you told us about him?" Sola asked.

"What's there to talk about?" I asked. "He's just a boy."

"A boy?" She sounded surprised. "Have you seen the way he looks at you?"

"Sola, stop it!" I demanded. I didn't want to hear any more of this talk.

She shrugged. "It's obvious he has feelings for you."

_Obvious?_ I thought. _Now there's a laugh._ I looked down in the garden to where Anakin and Dad were talking. I looked back at Sola. She smiled. I rolled my eyes. "Anakin and I are _friends_. Our relationship is strictly professional."

"Whatever you say." She said. "But I think you're in denial. You don't realize those feelings are there. Maybe you're afraid to notice."

"Sola, there is nothing there. Nothing!" I stormed out of the kitchen. But I heard Sola say to Mom. "Sooner or later, she'll have to admit it to herself."

"I agree." Mom replied.

The rest of the one night visit was a night mare. When Anakin got back from the garden, I asked. "What did Dad talk to you about?"

Anakin shrugged. "He asked me if I would take care of you."

"Oh." I replied, having a feeling I knew what Dad had meant.

When Dad came back in, he told me. "I like this boy. He's good for you."

"He's not my boyfriend!" I snapped.

Sola hissed, "Denial!"

I gave her such a look of hate, I am sure it cannot be topped.

Finally, the next morning, we were going to leave. Sola had to get in one last comment. She would always make fun of my love life, but never like this. As we were walking out the door, she whispered to me, "Tell us when the wedding is!"

I don't think I ever walked away from that house faster.

I hated having to endure those comments, because I thought they were making fun of me for having a boy as a friend. That wasn't true. They were family; they knew what they were seeing. I just had to open my eyes and realize that what they saw there was true. I had to realize what was happening.

And I soon did.

* * *

Author's Note: Yes, kiss next chap! I can hardly wait! 


	6. The First Kiss Is Always the Sweetest

**To Love a Jedi**

**Chapter 6: The First Kiss Is Always the Sweetest**

Author's Note: Take a wild guess at the scene in this chapter.

* * *

I walk along the courtyard, trying to enjoy the sunlight. It's so hard to try to enjoy things any more. With this news about my family, even the smiles of Leia cannot make me happy. I'm walking in a living dream, or perhaps a living nightmare. I no longer can take pleasure in the simple things. I do not feel anything.

Perhaps it is the suddenness of realizing that I am alone. All alone. All I have left is Leia. But what if she leaves me? Who then will I have? Who then can I confide in, and take trust?

Fate is cruel. It has given me such. I am like a ghost, wandering the halls of the palace of Alderaan. I know people are afraid to talk to me, and I am afraid to talk to them. It's hard to accept the truth. To accept my loneliness.

"Mummy?" Leia asks, running up behind me. I turn to see her, and I try to smile. "Come look at the flowers, Mummy!"

She thrusts a haphazard bouquet of flowers into my hand. I smell them. The fresh scent fills my head. "Thank you, Leia." She smiles and does a small little dance.

"I knew you'd like them!" She giggles. She decides to run around some more, picking up flowers and bringing them to me along the way. My bouquet grows and grows. After it has expanded greatly, I tell her. "This is beautiful, but you don't need to give me any more."

"But I do." She protests, handing me three more.

"You'll tear up the garden at this rate." I warn her. "And I don't think Mister Organa will be pleased if you ruin his courtyard."

She still persists. "But I asked! He said I could give you flowers."

This is getting ridiculous! "Really Leia, that's enough. I don't need anymore."

"Mister Organa said you do." She replies, still picking flowers.

I don't know why Bail would say such a thing. "Why did he say I need flowers?" I ask.

She stops and looks up at me with her big brown eyes. "He said you need them because today is your…a-ana-anaveristey. Mummy, what's an anaveristey?"

Now I remember. I wish she hadn't reminded me. Tears fill up my eyes. "Do you mean anniversary?"

"Yes. He said it was your anniversary. What's an anniversary?"

I wipe a tear as my voice gets shakier. "It's when you remember the day two people got married." Tears roll down my cheek.

Leia notices I'm crying. "No, Mummy! Don't cry! I'm sorry! I'll put the flowers back!" She throws them across the well picked flowerbeds.

"It's not you Leia." I assure her, trying to gain control of my emotions.

She looks at me puzzled. I can almost feel here eyes penetrate mine. "Is it daddy?" She asks.

I stare at her. "D-daddy?" How does she know? I have lied to her too many times. "Yes, Leia. It's daddy."

She hugs my waist. "You always cry about daddy. And about someone named…Ani."

I kneel down to her level. Knowing about "daddy" is one thing. But Ani. "How do you know about Ani?" My voice shifts from being sad to being serious.

"I hear you." She replies in all truth. "You say things like 'Ani, why?' and 'Ani, I'm sorry.' You talk with everyone else about Ani, but you never talk with me! When you talk about him, you cry. And you keep a special box with stuff from Ani that you never show me. I asked Mister Organa about him, and Nanny, but they won't tell me. Why can't I learn about Ani?"

I am surprised by how much she knows. It almost breaks my heart to see her trying to find everything about him. But no one must tell her. The truth will break her heart. I sniff, wiping a tear from my cheek. "Ani was someone I knew, long ago."

"Where is he now?" She asks.

"He's gone."

"He left?"

That statement is too much for me. Yes, he left, long ago. Not even bothering to say good bye. Not allowing me to tell him I loved him. We're still technically married. Now that its our anniversary, I don't know what to do. I desperately hug Leia, trying to take comfort in her. "Leia, don't ever leave me." I beg.

She hugs me back. "I promise, Mummy."

Thus is my sad fate. Thus I have earned it. I should have stopped myself on this downward spiral. I should have stopped it the day I realized my feelings…

* * *

Anakin and I were going to stay at the retreat in Lake Country. It was such a beautiful place. I longed for open spaces since I had left Coruscant. We had to take a boat to get up to the place. I don't remember why, but I chose a light dress, and I dressed a little bit more formally. I think I used the nonexistent heat as an excuse. 

I should have noticed Ani acting funny around me. I would catch him looking at me, but when I would look back at him, he would look away quickly. After going through this routine five times, I said. "Um…Ani, do you mind? That is getting annoying."

"Sorry, milady. It's just…you're beautiful in that dress."

I remained silent for a few seconds. It was probably one of the few times I was speechless. But I was speechless a lot around Ani. "Uh…t-thank you."

He blushed, but I am almost positive I blushed too. We both looked away from each other. As we came up to the resort, we finally started talking again. "Is that it?" He asked, his eyes wide with wonder.

"Yes, that's it. But why are you so surprised? It's not nearly as big as the palace."

"I'm not talking about the resort, look at the view." And I did. The resort was like a statue against the landscape of meadows, lakes, and waterfalls. I guess it could be called a stunning view.

"You don't get much of this in Tatooine, I guess" I replied.

"No, nor in any of the places I went for jedi business. Naboo is probably the loveliest planet in the galaxy." I didn't know why, but that made my heart skip a beat.

When the boat docked at the retreat, Anakin got off first. And, ever the chivalrous jedi, he helped me off. It was a bit awkward when he took my hand. We both gave a small, nervous smile and he helped me off. While the servants took care of our things, we went to walk on the balcony overlooking the island I knew from childhood.

"How do you know this place so well?" He asked.

"We used to come here for school retreat." I replied. "We used to swim to that island every day." I nodded to the island. We both leaned against the railing, looking at the view. "We would lie on the beach, and let the sun dry us, and try to guess the names off all the birds singing."

Ani did not look as fascinated with my past as I was. He decided to comment on my memory. "I don't like sand." This made me look at him. It was an odd remark. "It's coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere!" He threw me a small grin, I didn't return it. I looked away. Because that grin made me nervous…

"Not like here." He continued. "Here everything is soft—" I felt his arm come up, getting closer to me. My heart raced. "And smooth." A shiver went up me when I felt his fingers graze my arm. I felt a pulsating sensation come through me, which seemed to come from the contact itself. Never more did I feel so…insecure.

If any other man had touched me in that way I would have not let it continue, but I couldn't help myself. I did not stop him as his fingers grazed my arm. Mostly because I was too stunned to do anything. Finally, I jerked myself away from it. I was going to tell him to stop it, because it made me feel uncomfortable, but I turned to him, and looked into his eyes.

I knew I shouldn't have done that. Once I looked up, I was under his control. It was as if his eyes had a spell on me, like something held our gaze. Somehow, I even allowed thoughts to swim in my head. For the first time, I allowed myself to look at him not as Ani, the boy I met on Tatooine, but as Anakin, a handsome young jedi. For the first time, did I realize that there was more to him then I had ever imagined.

As my heart went faster than I ever felt it go before, I felt Ani draw closer. My heart sped up with every inch he drew closer. I felt warmth in my body, a tingling feeling. For once, I forgot who I was. An excitement built inside me, and took control. All I knew is I wanted Ani to love me.

When we were so close that I could feel his breath, he hesitated. Almost as if he was deciding if this was the right thing to do. I too, felt a small thread of common sense come back to me at that moment. Something told me to stop, to put an end to this before I began, but I paid no heed to the danger. I rebelled. I wanted a difference in my life run by rules, so I broke them.

I closed my eyes and felt his lips touch mine.

The warmth in me exploded, and I was sure my heart would too. All thoughts of danger emptied, all I thought of was Ani. Ani was in my head, he occupied all my thoughts. Everything was pushed aside. I did not know my name; let alone what I was doing. All I knew was this feeling of him was so wonderful, so lovely that I did not want it to end.

I knew at that moment, I loved Ani.

But with that realization, I knew what I was doing. I knew I was kissing him. I knew I was doing the unthinkable. I knew I had sealed my fate.

I broke away, to a much shocked Ani. "No!" I cried, trying to make up for what I had done, but there was no penance for that sin. "I shouldn't have done that!" I still breathed heavily. The memory of his lips against mine still swirled in my head. I blinked trying to erase them, wishing the feeling of warmth and excitement would go away.

"I'm sorry." He said, trying to keep his eyes off me. We both looked back to the landscape, trying to forget what we had just done.

* * *

It's been seven long years since that day. Seven long years since I knew I was in love with Ani. Though many things have not changed, one thing has remained the same. 

I still love that jedi.

* * *

Author's Note: This chapter was MAJOR CUTENESS! I got a warm, fuzzy feeling just writing it! (Kinda like the one I get around my crush :)!) 


	7. Memories of Sadness and Love

**To Love a Jedi**

**Chapter 7: Memories of Sadness and Love**

Author's Note: OMG! I SAW THE NEW TRAILER FOR ROTS AT STAR WARS. COM! IT WAS SOOOOOOO CREEPY!

* * *

I should have known one day I would have to tell Leia the truth. But I did not think it would be this day, when she was so young. She had begged for information, since she was quite an inquisitive child. But I refrained from telling her the details other than, "He was someone I knew long ago."

But Bail Organa must have known this was pulling on Leia. He knew that she might look for clues on her own and discover things she was not ready for. He had told me to tell her some things. Not all. Not everything, but I could tell her a few things about Ani that would keep her curiosity at bay.

"Mummy, will you tell me about Ani?" She asks, one day while she is in my room.

"What do you want to know?" I reply, beating around the bush.

"I want to know why he makes you so sad." Her eyes fly to my closet where I keep that box. "I want to know why Ani makes you cry."

I try to keep myself from recalling those terrible memories. "It is not Ani that makes me cry." I tell her the truth. It is not the Ani I knew that brings my eyes to water. It is what he became. The monster that took hold of my beloved Ani's flesh. The demon that lives inside him, feeding off his soul.

"Than what does make you cry?" She asks.

I close my eyes and am sucked into the horrible memories. I remember how it was, death everywhere. Jedi being hunted down and killed. Ani just looking for recognition, until…he received it from the wrong person. I remember the day I was told who was hunting down the jedi. I remember the disbelief, the tears, the sorrow, and the pain; I remember the pain the most. I could not believe Ani would do such a thing. And then I knew…it wasn't Ani. It was the dark side. The thing that took over his body. The hatred.

I do not answer her question, but I go over to my closet and pull down the box. "Do you know what it was like, four years ago, Leia?" I ask.

"No." She replies. Of course she wouldn't have known. She was barely born!

"We were at war. It was horrible. Everyday I didn't know if I would live or if I would die. I was worried, everyone was. It was not a happy time. Not unlike now. But it was worse back then. Much worse." I don't know of any other way to explain this to her. Even as young as she is, its almost as if she can understand me. I think she knows what I am talking about.

I open the box. "Leia, even though times were hard, someone was always there for me. Every day I would hear about the tragedies of war, yet when I saw this someone, I would forget the horror and sadness of the galaxy. They were always so good…so kind…and they would never do anything to hurt me. Ever."

"Ani?" She asks.

I nod. "Ani kept me going. He kept me strong. Though times were hard, I knew I had Ani, I knew he would always be there."

I show her the wooden pendant that he gave me when he was a child. "He gave this to me, seventeen years ago. When we first met. It was supposed to be good luck. I wore it, for a time. Until I knew not even this could bring my luck back."

Leia touches it with her tender fingers and looks up at me, obviously transfixed in my story.

"We met, long ago on a far away planet, when I was still queen. We were both young, but he was younger. Even then I knew there was something strange about him. He was so…mature for his age. Yet even through his maturity, some innocence was still inside him."

I pull out my holo projector, and press the button. A picture comes up. A picture of him, one he sent me right after he started at the temple. "You see, that's him, when he was little."

As she looks, I see something flash in Leia's eyes. Recognition? I don't know. I don't have the force. But it looks like she can recognize him. I have to be careful that I don't give her too many images of her father.

"We didn't meet again until ten years later, and then, he grew up. He was ordered to protect me, and he did. He would do anything to protect me…anything. We…we became good friends."

"He loved you, Mummy." She says.

I stare at her. How did she…? It must be the force again. I cannot lie to her about what she can feel. "Yes, he did."

"And what about you?"

I walk over to window and look out on Alderaan. "I don't know." I take a breath, and remember the pain. "But Ani changed. He…he became different. He wasn't the sweet boy I once knew. Something had turned him mean."

"What?"

I close my eyes and lean against the windowpane. "Fear. He was afraid for me. Anger. He got angry, angry at the war, and the council, and even his friends. Hate. He started hating them. Hating the ones he once swore loyalty to. And…Suffering. For this, the pain he experienced was immense. He felt he had nothing left, and so, he changed."

"What happened to him?" She looks back at me with those innocent eyes.

It is innocence not to be marred. "He left. I never saw him again." I feel a tear well up in my eye.

Leia must have noticed. "You loved him, didn't you Mummy?"

Her intuition is remarkable. "Yes Leia, I did."

I think she knows that this was painful for me. I think she knows I am keeping back the urge to let all my sorrow out. She walks over to the door, "I love you, Mummy." And then she leaves me.

I collapse onto the bed. I did it. After all those years of trying to forget, I let the memories come out. I told my story. Those times were horrible. Sometimes when I think of Ani, all I can think about were those times.

But I have to remember how he used to be. Before the war…

* * *

The day after I learned my true feelings for Ani, I decided to explore the landscape of the resort. I decided to go on a picnic. I had to Ask Anakin to go with me, of course, but I knew he wouldn't refuse. 

"What's that for?" He asked, looking at the tin of food I had.

"For a picnic." I replied. "I thought I would go to the meadows by the resort."

He grinned. "That sounds like fun. I'll come too."

We hiked for a while and finally reached the meadows. We sat on the soft grass and while we ate our lunch, we talked of things. "How long are you a padawan for?" I asked.

"Until the council deems me ready for the jedi trials." He replied, looking a little bit offended.

"What exactly are the jedi trials?"

He looked away, as if thinking. "I don't really know. No one speaks of them. All I know is you have to pass them in order to be named a jedi."

I nodded, and went back to my lunch. Suddenly, unexpectedly, Anakin asked, "Who was your first kiss."

I stared at him. _My…my what?_ I wondered. _Why would he ask such a question._ "Uhh…I don't know." I said, staring at the ground."

He laughed. "Sure you do. You just don't want to tell me."

I raised my eyebrows. "Are you going to use one of your jedi mind tricks on me?" I asked.

"They only work on the weak minded."

I sighed. Well, it wouldn't do any harm… "All right. I was twelve. His name was Palo. We were both in the Legislative Youth Program He was a few years older than I…very cute…dark curly hair…dreamy eyes…"

Anakin looked jealous. "All right, I get the picture. What ever happened to him?"

I shrugged. "I went into public service; he went on to become an artist."

"Maybe he was the smart one."

I stared. "You really don't like politicians, do you?"

"I like two or three, but I'm not really sure about one of them." He smiled, silently laughing over his own joke. Then his face became serious. "I don't think the system works."

I still didn't understand. I thought the system worked fine. That was before I learned of the dark secret hidden within the senate of Coruscant. "How would you have it work?" I asked.

"We need a system where all the politicians sit down and discuss the problem. Agree what's in the best interest of the people, and then do it."

"That's exactly what we do. The trouble is that people don't always agree." I explained.

"Well, then they should be made to." He said.

The conversation was leading into a place I did not want it to lead. "By whom? Who's going to make them?"

"I don't know, someone."

This conversation did not make any sense. "_You_?" I asked.

"Of course not me."

"But someone." I repeated.

He nodded. "Someone wise."

"Sounds an awful lot like a dictatorship to me." I said.

"Well, if it works." I stared, worried at his expression. But he could not hold back a smile. He had made me argue, just like he claimed politicians did.

"You're making fun of me!" I accused.

"Oh no! I would be too frightened to tease a senator!" He said sarcastically, grinning.

I laughed too, until Anakin asked, "What's that?" He pointed to the thing in the distance.

"It's a shaak." I said. "There native here."

He grabbed my hand. "Come on!" He pulled me up and over to the creature.

"What are you trying to—?" I asked, but he cut me off.

"Watch this!" He jumped onto it's back using the jedi powers. It immediately took off, Anakin trying to keep his footing. I ran behind, laughing at his silly antics. Suddenly he fell off, and it looked like he couldn't get up.

I gasped and ran over to him. "Ani! Ani, are you all right?" I turned him over, and he was laughing.

I was mad and so we had a playful fight, which made us roll over in the grass. After a few more minutes of laughing, we finally went back to our lunch, but we would have our small smiles and jokes.

"You see, milady, you need to do this more often." He said.

"What?" I asked.

"Laugh."

* * *

Those were his exact words. But I do not remember laughing since those years. That memory was probably one of the few I have of Ani and I together, happy. 

The rest since then were of sorrow.

* * *

Author's Note: I am so psyched for ROTS that I have been on every spoiler site I can get my hands on! Anyone with me on this? 


	8. This Love Can Never Be

**To Love A Jedi**

**Chapter 8: This Love Can Never Be**

Author's Note: Just to let you know, **I'll be gone all Spring Break.** Sorry, guys!

* * *

Leia and I are in Bail Organa's office, now trying to figure our security plans. 

"It is obvious that Vader knows you exist. But I do not know if he knows about Leia."

"I've been in danger all my life, I am now worried. But I am worried about her."

Leia doesn't dare speak. She knows that this conversation is serious. Bail looks down at her. "I know you are worried. But I may have an idea. Something that will keep her from the Empire for—"

The door suddenly bursts open. It is Dormé, my faithful handmaiden. "Milady!" She gasps.

I stand up abruptly. "What is it?"

"You're in danger. I just saw them come. They must have just arrived!" She regains her breath. "Stormtroopers!"

I have no time to be shocked. "I have to get out of here!" I cry, but Dormé holds me back.

"You can't! They're almost here!"

Bail looks behind him. "In the closet!" He yells, pushing Leia and I into the dark space beyond that door. With one last look towards the hallway, he shuts us in.

Leia looks at me. "Mummy? What's happening?"

I put a finger to my lips. "Shhhhh!" I tell her.

A moment later, I hear the door burst open. "You." A stormtrooper says. "We have a message for a Bail Organa."

"I am Bail Organa." He replies, trying to keep a hint of surprise in his voice. "What is it you want with me?"

"We have a message for you from Lord Vader."

Vader! Ani! Does he know? I hug Leia tighter, trying to keep my fear to a minimum.

I hear the sound of a holoprojector being turned on. As the message comes on, I hear the sound of heavy breathing. A shiver runs down my spine. As I hug Leia, I can feel her shaking also. She knows of Vader's reputation.

"Bail Organa." A low, voice resonates throughout the room. It is not Ani's voice, but I know the voice of his other side all too well. "You are probably wondering why I sent this garrison down to your peaceful planet."

"Yes, I am wondering." He replies, showing no fear. "To my knowledge, Alderaan has done nothing to be worthy of troops storming our halls. We have paid all taxes, reported all fugitives located on our planet, and even supplied troops for the Imperial Training Academy."

"You have followed all laws that are in place. But this message was not sent about Alderaan. This was sent about a certain fugitive. One that there is reason to believe you may be harboring. The former Senator Amidala."

I take a sharp breath. So he does know I am alive! Leia squeezes my hand.

"You believe I am harboring Senator Amidala?" Bail sounds amused.

"There is no proof, but we do know you were once good friends with the senator."

Bail gave a small laugh. "Yes, we were once good friends, but this was before the Empire. Before the war. Before she made such foolish choices. In my opinion, she brought her fate upon herself. I have no loyalty to her know."

Though I know the words are false, they still give a small sting. It's a good thing he has a background in politics, he is able to lie without being detected. Even from a jedi.

"Though you claim no loyalty, others on this planet might be hiding her. I will send down some troops to look around for her. I assure you they will not kill, unless we find some residence. Our business is deals only with the senator." He puts great emphasis on "senator." I know what this means. He is obsessed with finding me. Why?

My heart drops. I know what he wants. He is looking for my child. And I will know where my "child" is.

"You are to send troops to invade my home?"

"Senator Organa, you misunderstand me. They shall not enter your home, but they shall be placed at the gate. No one can leave or enter without first being cleared by them."

"I see. And how long do you plan to keep this up?"

"Until we find the senator, or we learn new information of her whereabouts."

Bail sighs. "Very well then. Position your men at the gate."

"I am surprised at how quick you are to agree." Vader comments.

"What can I say? I am a politician."

With that, I hear the holoprojector being turned off. The stormtroopers march away. After waiting a few minutes to make sure they are gone, Bail opens the door.

"That was close." I say.

"Too close." He replies.

I stare out the window. "I knew it would never work."

"What?" Bail asks, but he doesn't know of what I am speaking.

"I knew. I knew and I warned him, but he didn't give up. And I couldn't stop myself. I tried, but I should have remained strong…"

* * *

After the picnic, we had dinner in the dining room of the resort. It was a time for us both to talk, like we had before. It was also a time to discover many things. 

As we ate, Ani started talking about one of his many jedi adventures. "Did I tell you about the time we were chasing space pirates through three systems?"

"No." I replied, wanting to hear something new.

"Well, we were chasing them, and eventually they landed on Sullust. It was a mad chase through a rough town until we ended up in a factory. When we got to them, we went into aggressive negotiations."

I stared. " 'Aggressive negotiations'? What's that?"

He grinned. "Negotiations with a lightsaber."

I couldn't help but smile and laugh. I was about to bite into a pear, but suddenly it floated away from me! I looked up, and I saw Anakin moving it towards him. It landed neatly on his plate. "If Master Obi-Wan caught me doing this, he'd be very grumpy." I wondered why. I guessed jedi weren't supposed to use their powers for anything but protecting the galaxy. He sliced a piece off, and then floated it towards me. I caught it and took a bite.

"Speaking of Obi-Wan," I asked. "Have you heard from him?"

He shook his head. "No, why?"

"I…I was just wondering…how long you need to protect me." I said this very fast.

"Don't worry Padmé," He said. "Obi-Wan takes a long time investigating things. I don't know how long I'm here, but I'm not leaving anytime soon."

I lowered my head. "Oh…good." I was not worried about him leaving. I was worried about my feelings, our feelings…and what would happen if we went on like this. Something told me that our mutual attraction was dangerous.

After dinner, we went to the sitting room. A fire was lit, and it was warm. I could leave off the coat of my dress. When I took it off, Anakin stared. At my breasts. I looked down. I had forgotten I had chosen to wear such a…_tiny_ outfit. I had been okay with it for dinner, but now…I felt naked.

We sat on the couch and thought of things to say. I kept my gaze away from Anakin, knowing what I would have to say to him. He stared at me, and then he began, "From the moment I met you, not a day has gone by since I haven't thought of you."

I knew where he was going. _Oh, no! _I thought.

He continued. "And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony." He moved closer, I tried to back away. "The closer I get to you, the worse it gets." He paused. "The thought of not being with you…I can't breathe."

_Please, stop this Ani!_ I cried out silently. _You know we can't!_

His eyes met mine. "I'm haunted by the kiss you should never have given me." I knew he was feeling what I felt too. He felt danger also. "My heart is beating, hoping that the kiss will not become a scar." He moved closer, trying to woo me. I did not feel comfortable. I moved away. He knew the danger, but he was thrilled by it.

Ani decided to end his romantic speech. "You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do? I will do anything you ask." He gave me a look that made me know what he wanted me to ask. He wanted me to ask him to love me. Though I had no control over my feelings, my head could win this argument.

"We can't." I said quietly. "We can't, it's just not possible."

He would not give up. "Anything is possible, Padmé, listen to me."

I could bear it no longer. "No, you listen!" I stood up. "We live in a real world, come back to it! You're starting to become a jedi, I'm…I'm a senator." Our love was impossible, I finally realized.

Ani pretended that he didn't care, but I could tell something was speaking to him, as it did me.

"If you follow your thoughts to conclusion, it will take us to a place we cannot go, regardless of the way we feel about each other."

With that, Ani perked up. "Then you do feel something!"

I put my foot down. "I will not let you give up your future for me."

He also stood up, to come closer towards me. "You are asking me to be rational. I know that is something I cannot do. Believe me, I wish that I could just wish away me feelings, but I can't."

We were both young, and in love, but I was older. It was up to me to be the more mature one, the more responsible one. "I will not give in to this."

Ani looked sad, and he walked away, disappointed. He suddenly stopped when he got an idea. "Well, you know, it wouldn't have to be that way." He turned to me. "We could keep it a secret."

That thought had crossed my mind, but I could not allow this to continue. My head told me to ignore my heart. That is what I had to do. "We'd be living a lie. One we couldn't keep even if we wanted to. I couldn't do that. Could you, Anakin? Could you live like that?"

For one wild moment, I thought he was going to say "Yes". But the he looked down. "You're right. It would destroy us."

* * *

He was right. I was right. Living like that would destroy us. As it did. I should have been strong, but my heart won over my head. And we tried to live in secret. But we failed. We failed miserably. And this time, this life, thus is the consequence.

* * *

Author's Note: Okay, I always thought that Anakin sounded like he had been reading a tad bit too many love poems in that scene. It seemed a bit out-of-character to me. Or maybe seeing Anakin act like some sappy love poet was too big a shock. 


	9. Unrest and Worry

**To Love A Jedi**

**Chapter 9: Unrest and Worry**

Author's Note: YIPEE! How I have missed you, mon ordinateur! Well vacation's over to back to da computer!

* * *

"Milady, there is no question about it. You must leave Alderaan." Bail Organa says. 

How, may I ask? With the stormtroopers placed around the palace I am unable to get out. Do they forget that? "As long as I stay hidden in the palace, I shall be fine."

"We don't know that." He replies. "Vader could order a search warrant. There is enough evidence here to condemn you."

An idea suddenly strikes me. "Then we must give him no reason to order a search warrant."

He stares at me. "What do you mean?"

"I mean if there was a way to convince him that I am currently on another planet."

His eyes widen. "Really? How?"

"I shall say. First, I must speak with Obi-Wan."

He nods, and turns on the mini-holoprojector. If the large one was used, it may be detected by imperial troops. "Master Obi-Wan?" I ask.

An image of him suddenly appears on screen. "Milady? It's good to hear from you. If you are wondering about Lu—"

"This is not a social call." I cut him off. This is important, and Leia is still with me, though out of sight of the holoprojector. "Vader knows I am here." I say gravely.

He is shocked. "What?"

Bail Organa nods. "He sent down stormtroopers to be placed at the entrance of the palace, and we're all fools if we think he won't search it."

The jedi master closes his eyes, looking as if he knew this were to happen. "Then what do you propose we do?"

"I have an idea." I say.

"Well?" Obi-Wan asks.

I look back at the door, just as a security precaution. "We need him to believe that I am on another planet." My gaze returns to the holoprojector. "Then we must give him evidence to believe I am on another planet."

Bail looks skeptical. "And this evidence would be?"

"Obi-Wan, if you can spread word that I am somewhere else, by an intercepted projection or—"

"It would be more convincing if people saw your face." A voice says from behind. I turn. Dormé has entered the room.

I can guess at what she means. "Dormé, no. For your safety—"

She shakes her head. "My safety is nothing to yours. I have protected you for many years. I will be honored to do it again."

No. I am not ready to sacrifice her for me. "Dormé, you can't! It is too dangerous!"

She still protests. "I have done many dangerous things to protect you, milady. If you do not wish me to do this for you, than think of me doing this for Leia."

I look at my child sitting there in the corner. I do not wish Dormé to sacrifice her life for mine, but when it comes to Leia, she is right. Leia is in even greater danger than I. I take her hand. "Dormé…are you certain you wish to do this?"

She nods. "Yes, milady."

"It is settled then." Obi-Wan says. "If Senator Organa can somehow get Dormé out of the palace, the she and I can make an "accidental" appearance on a far-away planet to get the empire's gaze off Alderaan."

"How shall Dormé be allowed out of the palace?" I ask.

"I have ways." Bail Organa said. "I have it documented that Dormé also came to live here."

"Won't they suspect anything?" I ask.

He gives a small laugh. "Please, milady. They're _stormtroopers_. They may know names and faces, but it never occurs to them to search deeper for the truth."

"I shall meet up with you on…Dantooine, I think." Obi-Wan says. "We can then search out a remote planet to make our appearance from there."

"It is settled then, Master Jedi." Dormé replies as the hologram fades.

I take Dormé aside. "If you insist upon this, then I will let you go. Just…be careful."

She nods. "I will, milady. I shall be back here before you know it."

I hug her. "I hope so."

"Come, Mistress Dormé," Bail Organa opens the door. "We have to launch this plan as soon as possible."

She nods and follows him out the door, with one last look at me. I see a tear on her cheek. A tear that matches mine. All too soon, the door is shut.

That's it then. Another good friend is leaving. She will probably have to go far away. Someplace that is probably on the Outer Rim.

I close my eyes and feel the pain of this parting. The pain opens a window into my sad life. Memories fly at me left and right, yet only one reaches me.

Leia is holding onto my leg, like little children her age do. But I do not feel her presence. I let myself go as I am immersed into this memory…

* * *

I remember it like yesterday…It was the night after we had decided not to let our feelings run away with us. I awoke because something did not feel right. I wanted to sleep some more, but sleep would not come. Something was bugging me from the back of my mind. Something felt wrong. I could not push it away, so I decided to take a walk in the garden. It was nearing dawn anyway. 

I left my bed and walked down the hallway. As I walked, I passed Anakin's room. I resisted the urge to peek inside. What if he was awake? What if he was undressed? We weren't allowed to love, so what would he think of me? I stayed by his door for how long I can't even guess, when I told myself it was stupid to remain outside of it. I was about to walk away, when I heard a sound.

I stopped and listened. I heard it again. It sounded like _moaning_. And it came from Anakin's room. I leant closer to the door and listened. He was moaning. I wondered if he was ill and if I should get some help. I resisted the urge to barge in and find out what was wrong. Then, I heard Ani speak.

"Mom…"

He was dreaming of his mother. I listened as he moaned, "Mom…No!"

Something was happening to her. I heard him toss and turn and say, "No! Mom! No!" Then I heard him gasp. The tossing had stopped. He was awake. I sighed thankfully.

But then He left his bed and started walking towards the door, behind which was my position. Panicking, I did the only thing I thought to do, I fled. Without looking at him, I hid myself behind a curtain at the end of the hall. I heard his door open, and I chanced a look. Ani looked…pained. He looked down at the floor, as if thinking, and then walked away.

I don't know how long I stayed behind the curtain, wondering about him and his dream, until I could stand it no longer. Curiosity overtook me, and I followed.

Anakin was standing out on the balcony, looking at the rising sun. He seemed absorbed in thought, and I didn't think I would help after what I had just heard. I turned to leave.

"Don't go."

I stopped. He knew I was there. No surprise really, he's a jedi after all. But I thought he needed some time to himself.

"I don't want to disturb you." I replied.

His eyes were closed. "Your presence is soothing."

That made my heart make a tiny flutter. _Stop that!_ I told my heart. I decided to tell him what I had heard; maybe he would want to talk about it. It always helped me. With the exception of my recent feelings, that is. "You had another nightmare last night."

He took a second to answer. "Jedi don't have nightmares."

_He's trying not to think about it._ I thought. _But he can't just pretend it didn't happen._ For a spilt second, I applied that same logic to my love life. But then I shoved that thought away. "I heard you." I told him.

Ani opened his eyes. "I saw my mother." I knew that already, but I wasn't about to tell him I was outside his door. "She's suffering, Padmé. I saw her clearly as I see you now." He paused. "She's in pain."

I saw he himself was pained. I watched as he turned away to look at the sun. I wished I could help him, to ease his pain, but nothing would. Nothing short of what he was thinking.

Anakin looked back at me. "I know I'm disobeying my mandate to protect you senator, but I have to go…I have to help her!"

His eyes looked determined. A look I had not seen since…he kissed me. But it was a different kind of determination. This kind was a determination and worry, mixed together. Though he was determined, I knew I could not leave him to his own devices for long with that look.

"I'll go with you." I replied, and my mind was made up.

He tried not to look happy, which he probably couldn't under these circumstances, but I knew he was glad that I was coming. Ani did not want it to appear so. "I'm sorry, I don't have a choice."

I nodded. "I'll get us some supplies and a ship."

He nodded also. I turned to leave, but then he said, "Padmé?"

I looked back at him. His face now held a small smile. "Thank you."

I returned it, but it was soon replaced with my neutral senatorial face. "No need to thank me, we need our own ship if we are to get there safely."

"No." He said, walking closer. "Thank you for coming with me."

The look in his eyes was something I had seen so many times. I knew he wanted to kiss me, but I backed away. "We need to hurry." And I went back to my rooms, trying to erase the memory of him wanting to kiss me, and a small part of me wanting to be kissed.

* * *

Author's Note: It took me AGES to get this typed, but it's finally done! Now I can go plan out the next chapter! There are 6 chaps left, and I had someone tell me they wanted to know which scenes will be in it. Here they are:  
The A/P talk after his mother is dead  
"I love you."  
A new scene which I added: **ANAKIN PROPOSE!**  
A/P marry  
Epilogue Part I  
Epilogue Part II  
The Epilogues are going to be a surprise! So read to find out! 


	10. Anger and Regrets

**To Love a Jedi**

**Chapter 10: Anger and Regrets**

Author's Note: I watched AotC last night! I got some new ideas.

* * *

Leia and I are staying to my room. We haven't heard word from Dormé or Obi-Wan yet, so we do not know if our distraction was preformed safely. Bail Organa told me Dormé was able to make contact with Obi-Wan, but from there I do not know where they went or how it was preformed. We have been waiting with no news for three days. 

Suddenly Bail Organa bursts into the room. "Milady!" He carries a portable holoprojector. "Look!"

He turns it on and it is the news. "There have been meteor showers in the Outer Rim, which have caused several tourists to have to cancel their trip."

I look confused at Bail, but he looks back down at the holoprojector. "And in other news, a two fugitives have been sighted at the capitol. Yesterday, the former Senator Amidala and Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi were seen fleeing Coruscant."

I stare as I see a close up of Obi-Wan and Dormé. She looks convincing enough. She even has a look of terror on her face. But that look of terror may be because they are being chased by several stormtroopers.

I look anxiously back at Bail, "Are they all right?"

He nods. "They were not captured."

I give a sigh of relief. I look back at Leia, who is now entertaining herself while singing a little song. "Are we safe, then?"

He replies honestly, "I am not sure."

"Well, have they removed security from the palace?"

He checks out the window. "Apparently not."

Why not? I _appeared _in public somewhere else, did I not? "Why would he keep security here if I am not?"

"I'm beginning to wonder that myself." All of a sudden, a beep fills the room. We look around until we realize it is the holoprojector. Bail walks over to it. He stares at it and opens his mouth in surprise. "It is Lord Vader."

I gasp, and grab Leia. "We'll hide." We don't want to be seen on this message. We stuff ourselves into the closet. As I shut the door, something falls into my hands. It's the pendant Anakin gave me, long ago.

"Yes, Lord Vader?" Bail Organa asks in his senatorial voice.

"Senator Organa," He says between deep, chilling breaths. "I suppose you saw the news report."

"Yes I did. It appears that the senator was hiding in Coruscant all along."

"Some would believe that." His voice sounds annoyed.

Bail tries to sound calm, but I know inside he is panicking. "Some? Lord Vader, she appeared in front of your very eyes!"

Leia continues to hold on to me, as I hug her. Something is wrong here…

"It is not a question of what appeared, but it is a question of where. The senator is not stupid. Why would she choose to hide in Coruscant of all places? It is fully populated, and it is the heart of the government. She would not hide there with the entire galaxy after her."

"Perhaps she planned to hide in plain sight." Thank the Force for Bail! Being in politics, it is necessary for him to think quickly on his feet.

"I cannot believe that is the case."

I grip the pendant he gave me. Does he know we are here?

"Well, perhaps she was meeting the jedi in an assigned place." Bail suggests, trying anything to get off the place where this is leading.

"The jedi is not stupid, either!" Vader roars. "I believe that this was a decoy act, to get the Empire's eye of a certain place. And that certain place may be…Alderaan?"

Bail scoffs. "You cannot honestly believe I am harboring her. I told you before, I have no loyalty to her. Your stormtroopers have seen she is not in the palace. If you must check somewhere, why not Naboo?"

That makes sense. Why didn't Ani look for me on Naboo? It is, after all, my home planet.

"Naboo was already searched. Thoroughly. The Senator is not hiding there."

"That may be so, but why do you assume she is here? And furthermore, what is your obsession with finding her? She can mean no harm. The last time I saw her, four years ago, she seemed determined to wallow in misery."

I can hear Vader sigh. He thinking. Thinking about me. Ani…why do you look for me? I lean closer to hear all.

"Do you know Senator, four years ago, I was her husband. We lived a happy life together. All I wanted was to protect her. I wanted to keep her from ever leaving me. I knew I would finally be content if I could keep her safe.

"There was that horrible day…She was still pregnant, and she got on a ship. I watched it fly away, intent on going after it. To tell her that I was not leaving her as she believed I was. But…I saw it get shot down.

"I believed her dead for four years. Until an Alderaan peasant informed me that there was someone here who looked like the Senator. I have a hope of finding her, and setting this straight about who left who. Also, if she survived, that means her child did too."

Ani…you…do you still…love me? I can hardly believe it. Though he tries hard to mask his feelings…he may still…love me.

"Oh, I see. You are looking for this child since it shall be force sensitive."

"Naturally."

It is not true. He is trying to deny his feelings. Though I made him this way, his love still burns through the evil taken his body. His mind may be changed and perverted by hatred…but his heart remains pure. I grasp the wooden pendant. Ani…you are still there…somewhere within.

"A heartwarming story." Bail says. "But the Senator is not here. The peasant saw Dormé, one of her handmaidens, who also has no loyalty to her now. She moved to Alderaan after the empire was formed."

"I see. But I shall keep the garrison for a little while longer. Just in hope…"

"I understand completely. You do not have to worry, the stormtroopers are no bother."

As I hear the holoprojector being turned off, I can barely hold back tears. I know what Anakin is feeling. I know what is happening. Though he was Lord Vader when he thought I was dead, now with the hope I am alive, he seems to be coming back. Compassion has re-entered his heart.

Ani…could you come back? Feeling someone has died made you do crazy things, but in the hope that someone is alive…? I know how death has affected you. Just like with your mother…

* * *

We had left for Tatooine for Ani to search for his mother. There, we met his stepfather and stepbrother. But his mother was not at the farm where they lived. I could feel the ache that he felt, with these people having seen his mother more than he had in the last few years. When he learned that she had been taken by Tusken Raiders…he had to go look for her. 

I told him to be careful and let him go. But I knew it was probably a mistake. I worried about him all night. He had told me of the Tusken Raiders, or the Sandpeople, as they were also called. They were vicious, and they killed anything out of pure bloodlust. I worried for his mother, but I also worried for him. He had told me he would do anything for the ones he loved. I worried at what he might do.

The next morning he returned. He didn't speak, but he carried the body of his mother. We could do nothing but stare as he walked past us. His face was like a carved effigy, not sad like I had expected. Something in him had changed. I had to find out what it was.

Later on, I took food to him that I had helped Beru make. As I saw him, he was trying to fix a mechanical part. He still had that look on his face. Not sadness, but shock. I supposed it would be a shock for anyone to see a loved one die. "I brought you something." I said, trying to shake him out of it. "Are you hungry?"

He didn't answer. Ani stared at that part. "The shifter broke. Life seems so much simpler when you're fixing things." I put the tray of food down as I listened to him. "I'm good at fixing things, I always was. But…I couldn't." He looked back at me, blinking away tears. "Why did she have to die? Why couldn't I save her? I know I could have!"

Ani walked away from me. I thought I should try to help him. "Sometimes there are things no one can fix." I thought a second, and added, "You're not all powerful, Ani."

"Well, I should be!" He yelled. "Someday I will be! I will be the most powerful jedi ever!" I stared, listening to his frustration, he looked back at me. "I promise you, I will even learn to stop people from dying!"

I knew he was sad and angry, but his talk was starting to scare me. "Anakin…" I tried to get him to stop.

He was furious now. "It's all Obi-Wan's fault! He's jealous! He's holding me back!" He hurled a wrench across the garage, and it made an echoing clatter.

He was acting like a child, claiming these things, but I listened. I knew I could blame his actions on sorrow. "What's wrong, Ani?" I asked, knowing there had to be more to this.

Ani stared away, and gave a shudder, remembering something he wished he didn't. "I…I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead. Every single one of them!" I gave a small, frightened gasp. I didn't think Ani a murderer. "And not just the men." He shook his head, furthering my fright. "But the women. And the children, too! They're like animals! And I slaughtered them like animals! I hate them!" With that, he broke down and cried.

I was frightened at his proclamations, but I tried to understand. Ani had a great power, something he had to work hard to control. And when he felt pain…the pain took over. He lost control. I knew I had wanted to vent my anger in violet ways when I felt pain, but I never did…because I didn't have the power. My heart ached for him, since his power had led him to do such a thing.

I knelt next to him. "To be angry is to be human." I told him calmly.

"I'm a jedi." He replied. "I know I'm better than this." He continued to cry.

I gave Ani a small hug. "Jedi or not, pain and sorrow still feel the same. It still hurts; sometimes it hurts so much you cannot bear it."

He sniffed. "I know. I couldn't bear Mom dying. And I just…" He looked back at me. "I just can't bear seeing another person I love die."

I stared at him. I was in shock. This was the first time he actually acknowledged that he loved me. I didn't know what to say. I had more than friendly feelings for him, but I tried to keep them at bay. And love…I wasn't sure if I really felt love. I didn't want it to be love.

Saying nothing, I hugged Ani, hoping the pain in him would lessen, and hoping that he could get over sorrow and learn to live like I wished he would have.

What a fool I was.

* * *

Author's Note: ONE MONTH UNTIL ROTS! AAARRRGGGHHHH! IT' S DRIVING ME CRAZY! 


	11. I've Always Loved You

**To Love a Jedi**

**Chapter 11: I've Always Loved You**

Author's Note: I had a dream about ROTS last night! Sorry, but I thought I'd share that…

* * *

Dormé has returned. Obi-Wan and she escaped unharmed. They were disappointed to learn that Ani saw through our plan. I no longer call him "Vader", Ani is more appropriate. Because now I know why he was presumed evil. From what I learned, the emperor tricked him. Ani was afraid that I would die, and the emperor made him do terrible things, with the promise that he would learn to keep me alive. But when he thought he had failed…the hatred consumed him. Thus was evil born. 

But yesterday…I saw a bit of him was left. When he realized I was alive…I saw a bit of his old self in him. He's starting to come back. He is turning away from his evil side…back to…the part of him that I love.

I look at my hologram of him. It has been many years since I have stared into this. It has been many years since he looked like this. I have a strong desire to touch the hologram, but that is impossible. Holograms cannot be touched by a _real _person. Yet I long for the _real _thing. Though he may not know it, I still long for Ani.

I have come to admit it now, to the world and myself. I kept trying to forget…to forget those awful times, yet I couldn't. The memories Ani and I shared together somehow leaked through. And yet I still am sad for the time lost, I rejoice in the past. I rejoice for the time I spent with him.

Though every memory is bittersweet. Our lives were a secret, a "lie" as I once put it. We had to be discreet and careful with each meeting. Thankfully, for three years, no one knew but us, the droids, and Dormé. (She had walked in on us embracing one day.)

One memory of us I do not like to recall is when we were forced to tell Obi-Wan the truth. He found out by contacting the long dead Qui-Gon. He was dead, and was able to look after Anakin. He had known about us all along. Telling Obi-Wan the truth was the hardest thing, I think, Ani ever had to do. It revealed that he broke the jedi rules, that his forbidden feelings for me had gone too far, and that I was pregnant with our "child". Obi-Wan blamed him, but it was also my fault. I had also said, "I do."

That was the beginning of our downfall, but times before then were happy. Our separations were almost unbearable, but those short tender moments were like precious jewels, and even the recollections of them made my heart pounding. And I always longed for the next meeting, longing for the next time I could wake up in the morning and have my husband's sleeping form beside me.

I am no longer sad about the days past. Yet it now is replaced for longing. Longing to be back in those times, to fall back into those memories. Yet that is impossible. Even with all the advancements in technology, time travel is an utter fantasy. Yet I cling to that wish; that hope of being together again.

And so I close my eyes, and caress every precious memory in my mind, wishing beyond everything I could go back to those times.

"Milady!" Bail Organa yells, waking me out of my happy thoughts. "We have trouble!"

I yawn. That's all I hear nowadays. "Trouble, of what kind?"

He seems very frightened. Perhaps there is cause for alarm. "Lord Vader…" He seems unable to finish.

Is there something wrong with Ani? No, wait it couldn't be that, then he would be rejoicing. "What is it?" I ask. I suppose he sent another wanted notice out for me.

"This is much more serious than what your thinking!" He yells. "Lord Vader…he's…he's coming to Alderaan!"

I gasp. No…did he just say… "What?"

"He's coming down here to look for you!" He says. "If he finds you and Leia, you know what will happen!"

Yes, I know. I know what his dark self would do, but what about this self I saw earlier. What about his old self? "I know what he would have done, but what if he does something different?"

He is puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, how do you know that he will take Leia and me? What if he will just leave us alone."

He gapes at me. "You cannot be serious."

"I _am _serious. You saw how he was on the last hologram!"

He sighs. "Milady, I thought you knew politics. He was tricking you. He used the sympathy act to get me to agree without a fight."

How can he say that? "A _sympathy act_, Senator Organa? He could have just made you scared enough to submit! Why would he do this otherwise?"

Now he is angry. "Milady, he is dangerous! You cannot seriously think he would just leave you alone! He is manipulating you! And because you fell for this act proves it! Your husband is gone! This monster replaced him! You wallow in misery, wising for the past, when you need to wake up! The past is gone, the present is now, and if you don't understand these things, the future will not even exist!"

I gasp and step back. I cannot think of anything to say.

He realizes what he said. "Milady, no! I didn't mean…"

I wipe a small tear away. "Yes you did mean it. You meant all of it. And I suppose I needed to hear it for a long time too."

"Then…you will follow the necessary actions?" He asks.

I nod. "Get Leia out of here."

"What?"

"We need to get Leia out of here! He could sense her! She may be in even more danger than I am!"

"I am not questioning on the account of Leia, I am asking because of you. You are in danger as well! You need to find some way of leaving the palace."

I shake my head. "There is no way."

"If you stay, then you could possibly die!"

I do not look at Bail Organa. I look at the hologram of Ani behind him. "I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little each day since all of this begun…"

* * *

While on Tatooine, Ani and I received a message from Obi-Wan. He was in trouble. I convinced Ani to go look for him on Geonosis. But we were captured, and were to be executed in the Geonosis arena. I had a hope that we would make it through and live. But it was a small hope. 

As they led us to the cart, I kept my eyes on Ani. I noticed he was doing the same thing. When we were put in it and chained to it, I heard the murmur of the crowd. My stomach did a tumble. That was when I felt it. I knew that we were going to die. I thought about Ani. At that moment, I realized that I loved him. I loved him with all my soul. I loved him more than I could comprehend. Somehow, that time we had spent together had done it. His laughter and his smiles had charmed me. I had fallen head over heels in love with him, and I had never known it.

As I knew that we were going to die, I briefly thought about confessing my love for Ani. I knew I might never get another chance…another chance to let him die happy knowing that I loved him.

"Don't be afraid." He said, trying to calm me. It didn't.

_Do it now, Padmé._ I told myself. _This is probably your last chance…_

I turned to him and said, "I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little each day since you came back into my life."

He didn't understand. "What are you talking about."

My lips at first resisted, and then I finally said it. "I love you." When I spoke those words, I felt my chest lift and my heart pound when I finally admitted it. When I said that, I saw Ani's eyes lift in an expression that could only be surprise and equal love.

He struggled with the words. "You love me?" But something held him back. "I thought that we had decided not to fall in love…That we would be forced to lie a lie. And that it would destroy our lives."

I didn't care anymore. And I saw that he didn't care either. "I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway." I told him, and a small bubble of fear built in me, but the knowledge that I was going to die with Ani calmed me. "I truly…deeply…love you. And before we die I want you to know."

With a small struggle, we were able to touch lips, the final step in proclaiming our love. The small kiss was all we needed to know we genuinely desired each other. If we were anywhere else, I would have thrown my arms around him and kissed him more passionately, but we were so lost in our love that we did not feel the cart move. We did not hear the screams of the crowd. We only broke the kiss when we felt the sunlight on our faces.

We probably would have continued, if we did not have the knowledge that Obi-Wan was watching. We looked up at the crowd now murmuring with delight at our soon to be demise, and we could not hear them. Thoughts of each other were now going through our heads. Thoughts of Ani dominated my brain. An endless repetition of my words _I love you _and _I truly…deeply…love you. _Went through me. _I love Ani_. I realized, with a small happy sigh. _And he loves me_.

For the first time in my life, I knew deep love. And I knew what it was like to be deeply loved. I didn't care anymore about rules or about the fact that our love was forbidden. I wanted to spend my life with Ani, if that were possible. And as the cart slowed to a stop, I made a silent vow that if we made it through this, I would love Ani with all my heart, without the hindrance of rules.

* * *

And Ani, I kept that promise. I still keep it. To this very day, I still love you. I may not have known it, but I have always loved you. And I will keep on loving you until the day I die and perhaps longer than that. 

And I know, deep down inside, it is the same for you.

* * *

Author's Note: Isn't that cute! I cried writing it! Okay, enough of this crap! **NEXT CHAP IS THE LONG AWAITED PROPOSAL!**


	12. The Decision That Changed Our Lives Fore...

**To Love a Jedi**

**Chapter 12: The Decision That Changed Our Lives Forever**

Author's Note: **YES! THE PROPOSE SCENE! READ IT NOW! **(It is good, so it took me a little extra time.)

* * *

We are in wait of Vader's arrival. Leia, thankfully, was able to get out by Bail Organa making the guards believe she was Dormé's daughter. They are safely on the other side of the planet, far enough away so he won't be able to sense her. 

Bail Organa has tried convincing me to leave as well, but there are no ways out of here past stormtroopers. The only other ways is a secret hangar covered up by a hologram. But a ship would be seen and tracked. I am to wait in the bowels of the palace, with two guards watching me. They say I am protected and I will be safe.

I know I will not.

It took a while to convince Leia to leave. At first she did not want to leave at all. She likes it here, she explained. Of course we couldn't tell her why she had to leave, so we told her it was because the palace was being cleaned. When she finally agreed, she realized that I would not be going with her. Leia hung on to me and refused to let go. I had to explain to the small child that her mommy wouldn't be able to come, due to circumstances beyond her control. I did not tell her it was because at least I have a chance trying to hide in plain sight, rather than run away and show all the stormtroopers that I am here. Finally, she decided to leave with Dormé.

At least I don't have to fear for her life, as well as my own.

It's not that I really fear for my life, but I fear what Ani may do. He is sure to recognize me, if not by my looks then by my feeling. He may take me prisoner, or he may just kill me. But I doubt either of those two. If I know Ani, he may just leave me alone.

I tried again to explain this to Bail Organa but he wouldn't listen. He told me I must hide for my own protection and he handed me a blaster. I looked at him in revulsion. I am a master with a blaster, true, but the thought of firing it at Ani?

"I cannot." I told him.

"Milady, if he seeks to kill you, then you must defend yourself!" He replied.

I twisted my wedding ring, still on after all those years, in a nervous habit. "I cannot because it's not just Vader. It is also Ani, and no matter what the circumstances, I could never blast Ani." I let the gun fall onto the floor.

Senator Organa picked it up. "If you cannot blast him, then blast stormtroopers should they seek you. Can you at least blast them?"

I stared at the blaster in his hands for a moment, then I took it. "Yes," I said, "I can do that."

So now I am waiting in a small chamber underground. The two guards who have been set to watch over me stand at the door, their blasters at the ready, ready to open fire on anyone who comes down here. I myself stand in a corner of the dark room, nervously twisting my wedding ring.

I have kept this ring on for seven years and I have no intention of taking it off now. Not once have I ever removed it from my finger. Not even when Ani…became like this. This is proof of my everlasting love for his old self. I know he still does not have his…it fell into the molten lava four years ago. I wonder if he even remembers it, or if he ever regrets losing it. I doubt it. He does seem to have forgotten everything else.

As I touch this ring, I think about how it came to be on my finger. How we decided to unite our love in holy matrimony…

* * *

With luck, Anakin and I had survived our ordeal on Geonosis. I somehow think that our proclamations of love made us stronger and gave us a stronger will to live. After we had been in the arena some time, jedi came to rescue us. There was a battle between the jedi and droids, and then when all seemed lost, clone troopers came to the rescue. Another battle was held between the droid army and the clone army, and Ani and Obi-Wan tried to take on the traitor, Dooku, alone. He had escaped, and luckily Ani and Obi-Wan had survived the fight, though Anakin had lost his right hand. 

A medical ship arrived after they made a call to the nearest one floating around. It picked Ani, Obi-Wan, and I (I didn't want to be separated from him.) up and he was set in a chamber. Obi-Wan and I waited outside for what seemed like hours as the droid examined the wound and fitted him with a mechano-hand.

Finally, the medical droid left the room and we were allowed in. Speechless, Obi-Wan and I walked it. I will never forget what we saw. Ani was lying on a bed, monitors beeping beside him with their screens filled with endless amounts of data, and his arm. It was normal human flesh from the shoulder, but then it was hooked up to many wires and metal supports. It had a skeletal look about it.

Anakin turned his head and looked at it. "Forgive me master, it was my lack of skills that made this thing become attached to me."

"No, Anakin." He shook his head. "Many other jedi have lost limbs in battles. It is nothing to be ashamed of."

He nodded and looked back at his limb in disgust. He clenched the metal fingers into a fist. "I should have killed Dooku."

Obi-Wan looked slightly alarmed. "We cannot worry about that now, Anakin. We have more important things on our hands. Like this upcoming war. Speaking of which, I must have a word with the jedi council…"

He left. Anakin and I exchanged glances, and I shut the door and locked it, just in case. I then sat by his bed. He spoke, "Padmé, why couldn't I kill Dooku? Was it because I wasn't good enou—"

I shook my head, cutting him off. "He was a coward, Ani. He ran away rather than fight."

He raised his mechanical hand. "After he did _this _to me."

I took the mechano-hand. "Ani, you are a strong jedi. The strongest I have ever met. Someday, you will find him, and you can face him and bring him to justice."

He looked at his new hand. "It's ugly. I hate it." He said.

"No," I said. "If its part of you, then I don't mind it a bit." Our hands came together, and we sat silent for a time.

"Padmé," Anakin said. "Did…did you mean what you said."

I was confused. "When?"

His sapphire eyes looked at me in wonder. "When you told me that you…loved me."

I nodded. "Yes, Ani. I meant it. I meant every word. I tried not to…but…I couldn't help it."

"Me too." He said gravely. "When you told me that it would destroy us, I tried my hardest to push my feelings for you aside, but I couldn't. Whenever I was around you, my heart would lift. Whenever I was around you, my mind was never my own."

I nodded, smiling slightly. "What are we going to do?" I asked.

He didn't answer my question. "Padmé, there is going to be a war starting. I am a jedi. I will have to fight. I…I will be gone for long periods of time. And…there is a possibility that I may not come back at all."

I gasped. "Ani! Don't say that."

"But I must." He retorted. "I must show you the reality of our situation."

"But…" I felt a tear in my eye. "Ani! You…you're going to leave me behind while you fight? I can't bear to be separated from you for a day! How am I going to survive this?"

He took both of my hands in his. I felt my heart race like the first time we kissed. His eyes sparkled as he said, "Marry me, Padmé."

I gasped. For a second, I couldn't speak. "A-Ani…?" I murmured.

He began explaining himself. "Padmé, we will be separated, but I want you to wait for me. Please. Not as Padmé Amidala, the senator. But…Padmé Skywalker, the wife. Force, Padmé, I love you so much! And those secret meetings which I know we shall have…I want to spend us to spend them as husband and wife…not as Senator Amidala and Jedi Skywalker."

I still stared at him in shock, trying to make up my mind as I weighed the consequences. It would be more risky than what I had thought of…was I willing to do it? Was Ani willing to throw away all jedi rules for me?

Ani sat up from the bed and lowered his voice to a whisper. "If this war goes well, I will quit the jedi order. I will tell them the truth and we can live in Naboo or wherever you want us to, together. Without hindrance of our lives. But rather than marry then, I want us to marry now, to solidify what love we have before its too late."

He stroked my cheek with his flesh arm. I took his hand in mine and looked at him. "Marry me, Padmé." He said, in one final plea.

In an instant, I thought it all over. I knew it would be hard, and this would be the biggest secret I would ever keep. But I succumbed to my feelings. My love for him conquered all my doubts. This thought, this dream of living with him as a wife took hold. In an instant, I made the choice that doomed all people in the galaxy.

I said nothing, but closed my eyes and met his warm lips with mine. And I was the happiest woman ever in that moment. I was no longer Senator Amidala, a woman strong in hiding her emotions. I was Padmé soon-to-be Skywalker, an average woman with unending love for her fiancé.

* * *

That was the day I made the choice. The day we begun our long-kept secret. That was the day I— 

"Milady!" A guard calls, throwing me out of my thinking. I turn to the door of the chamber. People are outside it trying to get in. Here it comes…the stormtroopers we have been waiting for…

_Boom!_ The door is shot open. Before anyone fires upon us, I blast at the door. The guards around me follow suit. Through all the blasting it is impossible to hear one's thoughts. Stormtroopers fall in the doorway as we fire blindly into the smoke. Occasionally we have to dodge a blast, but it seems stormtroopers are not as skilled as we thought.

I hear a blast and a moan, I turn around, one of my guards has been shot in the knee. The other takes over blasting until we can hear no more troops. I only have a split second to make this decision, and it must be made.

"You take care of him!" I order. "I'll get out of here!"

I don't care if there are stormtroopers looking on, I'll go to the secret hangar and leave before others suffer for my stupidity. I run out the doorway and through the corridors under the palace. I can hear blasts and fighting from above. I hope Bail Organa is all right! He should, considering that he is important on this planet. They would not kill him without a good reason.

As I run, I do not see where I am going. I hardly look ahead of me. I am staring behind me, looking for followers, when I bump into something. I have a horrible feeling of what it might be, and I look up, confirming my terrifying feeling.

It is Darth Vader.

* * *

Author's Note: EVIL CLIFFY! Oh well, I wrote the propose scene, didn't I? 


	13. Til Death Do We Part

**To Love a Jedi**

**Chapter 13: Till Death Do We Part**

Author's Note: I went to starwars. com! They have three new trailers! And they are all very evil! I really feel sorry for Anakin. (Yoda's pretty pissy when he finds out about Anakin and Padmé.)

* * *

I gasp. It's true. Its Vader…he's here. In front of me. After those years…we meet face to face. But not under the best circumstances. I back away quickly, not taking my eyes of his mask. 

I can hear his breathing through the suit. It is chilling to the marrow, but, there is something in the breathing that makes him sound shocked. "P-Padmé…?" I hear him say.

I am unable to utter a sound. I continue to stare at him. Stare at my long departed husband…now unrecognizable.

"You point a blaster at me?" He asks.

I remember the blaster in my hand. In one movement, I throw it away, against the wall. "No." I reply. "I could never point a weapon at you, Ani."

"Ani!" He yells. "That name no longer has any meaning for me."

"It is the name of your true self!" I beg. "It was the name you were born into! It was the name…of the man I fell in love with."

He comes closer, making me stand still. I will not run from Ani. "You _still_ hold to that, foolish woman? You _still _deny the past! Your husband is dead!"

"No!" I cry. "My husband is not dead. Ani…you are not dead! You have only forgotten the good side to you! The love you knew! Come back, Ani! Come back!"

He turns away and sighs. "I can't come back. I'm already too far gone. It is too late for me."

"No, Ani! It's not. There is good in you! I saw it! I don't care what everyone else says, you're still the same person inside!"

He looked back at me. "Am I, Padmé? Am I still the same person?"

I looked at the floor. "No, not now…but you could be! If you wanted to…you could be!"

"Oh really." He says dangerously. "Would your husband dare to threaten his wife!" He ignites his red lightsaber and holds it dangerously close to me. "Would your dear husband dare to pull a lightsaber on you?"

Though the blade is a few inches from my face, I will not run. I will not cry out. "No matter what you say, you are still in the body of Ani. And I will only think of you as Ani."

He will not listen. "I can kill you. I was ordered to kill you."

"By the emperor, no doubt."

"Yes," I can feel the heat omitting from the blade. "The emperor ordered me to kill you."

I say the most dangerous words in this situation, "But will you?"

His hand shakes. He is thinking it over. He had been sent to kill me, but can he do it? "I don't care if I die, Ani. I've wanted to die for four years. If you want to kill me, then do it."

Ani's grip on the lightsaber becomes tighter. I close my eyes, hearing the hum of the blade come closer. He is going to kill me. I don't care. I wouldn't want to die by the hands of anyone else…

The hum has stopped. I open my eyes. He…he didn't kill me! But…why…? "Ani…?" I ask.

He scoffs. "Why should I kill you? It would be a waste. I could just take you prisoner. Besides, I have a feeling you'll die soon anyway."

My eyes fill with tears, tears for him. "Ani…I don't care what you do to me…I won't stop lo—"

"Where is your child?" He demands, cutting my proclamation off.

My child…he wants to know about my child…I must use the trick of hiding my feelings like I had learned years before. "The…the child died…" I said, trying to sound convincing. "It…was so weak…and the war…" I shook my head. "It couldn't live in this world…it died…"

I can hear him build in anger. "Foolish woman!" He yells. "You allowed my son to die!"

"No Ani!" I cry. "It was destiny! Our child was destined never to live! And…it was a daughter…"

He looks away. "_Destin_y?" He looks down at his mechanical hand. "_Fate? _I hear these things all around my master, yet I cannot believe them. Ever since four years ago, I believed I was destined for great things." His hand contorts into a fist. "I was the chosen one. I was to bring about the balance of the force…and then…" He turns around sharply. "I became this!"

My mind flashes to that dream I had not a few weeks ago. When he told me it was my fault for everything. When it was my fault that thousands of people lay dead. Is he going to tell me that now? Is he going to blame everything on me?

"_Fate_." Ani repeats. "Fate is too cruel." He looks back at me. "We were never destined to be together, I can see that now. Somehow, our youth and ignorance over rid our better judgment. And now…this galaxy is ruined." Ani looks down at his lightsaber. "With these two hands…I killed more people than I can count. I hunted down jedi knights. I oversaw the republic falling into disarray. I had been sent to kill you." He looks back at me. "And yet you _still_ don't hate me!"

Hate him? "I couldn't hate you, Ani! I could never hate you! Don't you understand? I still lo—"

_Where is the child's grave?_ A voice in my head asks.

I feel like screaming, when I remember what is going on. Years ago…after we were married…we noticed that he was able to communicate in my mind, though I did not have the force. It was called a 'force bond'. When two people who love each other very much and one person has the force, they are able to communicate without words. At first it was very weak but I suppose all the _married activities_ we did strengthen that bond. After all, jedi weren't allowed to marry.

_Where is it?_ He repeated.

Where is it? Where is it? Where would it be…? I suddenly realize he can hear my thoughts in his head. He knows I made this up. Without thinking, I run past him towards the hidden hangar.

I don't care if this hangar is noticeable. It is the only way I can escape without him learning of the whereabouts of "my child". I can hear Ani running after me, but I must be faster. I _will _be faster. I would rather run from him than doom my children.

Inside the hangar, it is a scene of panic. Bail Organa and some of his men are fighting stormtroopers. I wish I hadn't left my blaster in the corridor, since I have to dodge blasts coming at me.

I hear a crash and the sound of a lightsaber deflecting blasts. Anakin has come. For a split second, I almost believe it is the old Anakin, protecting me. Then I remember it is the new Anakin...attacking me.

I turn around and look. Ani is standing over Bail Organa with his lightsaber drawn, ready to kill.

I have only one chance to stop his death. Yet I somehow _know_ I can reach Ani inside.

"Ani!" I yell. "Look!" I hold out my right hand. And on my fourth finger…with my wedding ring still on it. He looks up, and though I cannot see his eyes I know they are shocked. "Do you see this?" I ask, tears streaming down my face. "I have never taken it off, not once from the moment you gave it to me…"

* * *

Anakin was supposed to be returning me to Naboo. He was "escorting" me. But we both knew what was really going to happen on that beautiful planet. We were engaged, or as engaged as people who were hiding their love could get. Several times we had to jump away from embracing in the nick of time, so people would not notice. Thankfully, we were able to get a small ship for me to go home in, with Anakin as the pilot. We were both glad that we were able to embrace for as long as we wanted, without having to check to make sure the compartment doors were locked. 

As soon as we landed on Naboo, we made for the lake retreat. He was accompanying me to make sure I would be able to get "settled in", but we both had planned for more than that. We had not been back one day before I searched for a minister in a nearby town willing to marry us. The day before we were married was probably the night we spent feared the most that someone should discover our secret. We even acted as friends in front of the servants. And when Obi-Wan gave an awkward hologram to Anakin, before we opened it we were sure it was about us being discovered.

But the day we were married was probably the happiest of my life. That morning we said nothing to each other, but with glances and gentle touches we expressed our love. I dismissed the servants for two days, to give Ani and I enough time to begin our life as a married couple. We both counted down the hours and the minutes until we would be married, since we had agreed to marry at sunset.

One hour before the minister was to arrive, I felt more nervous than I ever had in my life. But it was a happy nervous feeling. I was nervous because in an hour's time, I would become Padmé Skywalker, Anakin's wife. He gave me a small grin, knowing he felt the same way. "I-I have to get ready." I told him, running up to my room. After tedious minutes of trying to decide what to wear, I found a white gown in the very back of my closet. It looked just like a bridal dress. "Perfect." I said. As I dressed in it, I made the decision to leave my hair down.

I looked in the mirror. I really did look like a bride. I couldn't help myself from a few tears falling down my face. I could not believe I would ever look so beautiful.

Finally, I emerged from my room. Ani, who was at the end of the hallway, looked stunned. "P-Padmé," He said, "You're beautiful."

He almost kissed me, "Ani," I said, stopping him. "Save it for the wedding."

Ani grinned, showing he was happy to oblige. Hand in hand, we walked out to the balcony, where the minister was ready to begin. I looked behind me and saw the two droids were there to act as witnesses.

"Are we ready to begin?" The minister asked. Ani and I both nodded. A gigantic flutter passed through my heart.

"Do you, Anakin Skywalker, take Padmé Naberrie, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to honor, love, and cherish, in famine or poverty, in sickness and in health, til death do you part?"

He looked back at me, with unending love in his eyes. "I do." He said, in a soft voice that only made my heart beat faster.

"And do you, Padmé Naberrie, take Anakin Skywalker, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to honor, love, and cherish, in famine or poverty, in sickness and in health, til death do you part?"

A shiver crept down my spine. Once again I was confronted with the thought that this was wrong, but I pushed it aside angrily. _How could love be wrong?_ I asked myself. "I do." I said firmly.

"Then by the power invested in me I pronounce you man and wife." The minister said, sealing our bond of love in holy matrimony.

Anakin quickly slipped the ring which I kept for many years onto my finger, while I put his on his left hand since his right was unable to bear a ring. Then with our vows made, we took each others hands.

The minister left, as Ani and I looked at each other closely before sealing our passions with a kiss. We did not think about how hard our marriage would be, or how many rules we were breaking with our love. We only thought of each other, how we had suffered to come to this day, and how we now triumphed.

As we broke the kiss, our eyes lingered on each other. Ani's eyes especially on my breasts. _Well, we are married._ I thought, looking back at him, Ani, no longer just Jedi Anakin Skywalker, but now he was just Anakin Skywalker, my loving husband. Who's charm had made me fall so deep in love with him that I knew I would never free myself from it.

We both turned away and looked out to the sunset, thinking of the new life we had made. Our lives were different from that day on. We were "living a lie" and we would keep "living a lie" until we would die.

But I knew our love would not die. I knew our love would remain strong "til death do us part".

* * *

"Don't you understand, Ani?" I yell back, now fully crying. "You may try to make me hate you, you may try to convince me you are gone, but I know you're still in there somewhere! I still wear this ring as proof of that! Ani…I can't help it but…I still love you!" 

He still stares at me in shock. He expected me to hate him. Yet I cannot, I cannot ever hate him.

"I tried to forget you Ani!" I cry. "I tried so hard to forget our happy memories together, yet I can't! I will never forget them! But Ani…you promised me you would always love me. You promised me you would never leave me…yet you did. Though you try to hide it, Ani…I know you are still you inside there. I know some part of you remembers your former self. Please, Ani…" I beg. "Come back…"

I look at Ani through a tear stained face, my hand still held in front of me. He stands still, thinking the situation over. He could kill us now. He could kill both of us and his mission would be complete. But…

He sheathes his lightsaber. With one last look at me, he turns away, his cape fanning out behind him.

"But sir," Asks one of the stormtroopers, "What about your mission?"

"We are leaving." He says in a low voice. "We will return to Coruscant immediately."

It is my turn to stare as he walks out of the hangar, leaving us behind. Once he is gone, I sink to the floor, tears flowing freely from my cheeks.

Bail Organa comes to me. "Well done, milady." He congratulates me. "He believed it."

"Of course he believed it." I do not even try to wipe the tears away. "It was the truth."

* * *

Author's Note: THE STORY IS NOT OVER YET! Behold the next two chapters: Epilogue Part I and Part II! 


	14. Losing Everything Dear to the Heart

**To Love a Jedi**

**Epilogue Part I: Losing Everything Dear to the Heart**

Author's Note: I just watched all the new trailers on starwars .com 2 times in a row! You could say I am on a Star Wars high…36 Days til ROTS! (note: please get your tissues ready.)

* * *

Time is waning.

Time is waning for me. I know it in my heart. I know I shall die soon. I will die because I have finally let go to the memories that have kept me alive for so long. I once believed that forgetting them would keep me alive. But now I see that was foolishness. I can never forget those times. Never. They shall haunt me even beyond my death. I also wished that I could go back in time, back to those lovely memories of Ani and I together.

That is also not possible.

Those memories and sadness which I drowned myself in, kept me alive because I wasn't able to let go. I wasn't able to give them up. Though they shall always be dear to me, I must let those memories go and realize that they are in the past, and therefore gone.

I know now that Ani will never come back to me.

At least, I know I cannot change him. I begged for him to return to the way he was, I cried and professed my love which he once shared. Why then, did he not turn back to the way I loved?

All this time, I've held on to the love that I keep, yet I know his love for me is not the same. He no longer loves me, as he once did. Now I am an obsession, in a way. He doesn't know why he can't stop thinking about me. The love is still there, yet it is hidden away under a black heart.

Will Ani ever return to the good hearted man I once knew?

I know now it is foolish to think so, it is foolish to believe that he is still there. Yet…I cannot help but feel…that he can return. The conflict and hate within him is strong…but…I think Ani is still inside that shell of a man that now walks within his skin.

Ani, can you return?

If he does, I know I shall never live to see it. With letting go of my sadness, I am also letting go of my life. I have nothing to live for. My life is ruined. I have Leia…but now I cannot even have her. It is too dangerous for her to be with me. One more separation will kill me, yet I know it must be done, for Leia's sake. But I know what she will go through. She will only vaguely remember me, and have to grow up without a mother. I know Leia will be strong, unlike me.

If tragedy strikes her, I know Leia will still do her duty, and thus, prevail.

I regret that I shall not see her upbringing. I shall never see her get older; learn more of the powers she is blessed with. I shall never see her fall in love, I will never see her wedding day, and I will never see if I am graced with grandchildren.

In turn she shall never really know her mother. She will never know why I was so sad, and I doubt she will ever learn the true story behind the rebellion. Leia will never know of my tragic story, a story I know will haunt her when she learns of the truth.

Yet she must learn.

I have one last hope to her learning of my story. There is only one way she can learn the truth, the whole truth, from me. I shall never be able to speak to her of it, since I do not have much time left. For even now I feel sickness in my body.

I must write to her future self.

It may be risky, I do not even know if she shall remember me, but it must be done. Leia has to know of how she came to be, and what her mission in life is. And unless I am very much mistaken, I am sure she will wonder once she learns of her brother.

Luke also, will be curious, but I am sure Leia will let him know the necessary things. I haven't seen him since he was a small thing, so I am not as close to him as I am to her.

I must begin my writings to her. But where to begin? This tale begins so long ago, and it is a story that will take time to dictate. But there is no use in putting it off. I am not sure how long it will take. Maybe, by putting all my memories down on paper, I shall be done with them forever. Maybe, I can finally put them behind me, and die in peace.

Picking up a pen, I begin to write in a small diary,

_My dearest daughter,_

_I do not know what to say to you. First, I will say that I am sorry that I never got to see you grow up. I knew that you were a beautiful child, and now I know that you have become a beautiful young woman. I know that you must be strong in heart and in mind, and perhaps you have learned of the powers you were born with. Oh, I wish I could have told you these things face to face, but now that is impossible._

_Leia, I am writing to you here to tell you of things that must be told to you. Things that happened in my lifetime that you must know about. I don't know if you remember it, but we talked about such things before, yet I did not tell you the whole truth. I kept many things from you. Many things that would haunt you even now if you were to learn of them. This is my past, and it is not a happy one. I only hope you can forgive me for the things I did, the choices I made, since I repent them. But there is one result of my choice that I do not repent:_

_You._

I close my eyes and remember when it began…long ago…when I first met that interesting boy in the junk shop. Opening my eyes, I put the pen to the paper.

_It all began on that day…

* * *

_

My writing is finished. It pained me to write it. Several times I burst out into tears, but I kept on. The thought that it must be done made me press on, though it pained me to do so. But I finally have my story written out, in truest form. Maybe from this she will learn that her father wasn't a monster, he was just a man who worried for his wife.

I imagine these things will pain Leia, but I think she will read. She will grow up without a mother, and this is a mother's way of saying goodbye.

There is only one more thing left to add.

_Leia, no matter what you think of me now, you need to know, I've always love you, and I will always love you. Please forgive me._

I close the book and sigh. A tear falls down my cheek. It's done then.

I know where I shall keep it, in my box of memories. When I am dead, they will find it and keep it for Leia when she turns the proper age. At least now I can rest easy knowing that she will learn of the truth someday.

* * *

I see Bail Organa in the gardens. He has been looking into security since the Darth Vader incident, and I have not seen him as often as I used to. I think he is avoiding me. He knows it is never safe around a woman in deep sorrow. 

"Milady!" He calls, coming over to me.

"Senator Organa." I greet him.

There is a moment of silence. "We have new security plans." He says. "Things will be much safer around here now. There is no way that any imperial forces could ever—"

I shake my head, cutting him off. "If they wanted to, they could still come through."

"Yes," He agrees. "But for what? Vader knows you are here, yet he let you go when he had the perfect opportunity to capture you."

"I know." I reply. "But there is one person who is still in danger."

"Who?" He asks.

"Leia."

He stares at me. "Are you sure she is in danger?"

"I am certain of it." He did not hear what Vader had said.

"Then, what do you propose we do?"

It pains me to think these words, but I remember it must all be done for Leia's life. "She…she must not be my child anymore." A tear comes in my eye. "Senator Organa…she must be your child."

He gasps. "Milady…you can't…I cannot take her as mine."

"You must!" I beg. "I do not want to give her up…but I have to! If she remains mine, Vader will find her somehow. And…I entrust her only to you."

I burst into tears. Seeing my pain, he comes to comfort me. "Do not fear, milady. I will take good care of her. She will not be yours…but she can remain with you, for the time being."

She can remain with me…for the time being…? That means until I die. At least I may enjoy my daughter's company up to my last breath.

As I sob, I am able to say, "Thank you."

* * *

This is the saddest day of my life. I look on to that small document, the document I must sign. 

It is the document that signs Leia away from me, forever.

If I had only knew falling in love with Ani would cause such pain…Not only did I lose him, my family, my life, and now, my only daughter. I do not want to do this, I only want to grasp Leia in my arms and keep her forever.

But I am reminded that her life may depend upon it. At least I am comforted that my memories lie safe inside the book in my closet. But that does not take the pain I am feeling away. A mother being torn from her child forever is possibly the saddest anyone could get. Even sadder than letting Ani go…

My face covered in tears, I lift the pen…

And sign my daughter away.

The weeps come upon me as I look at my signature, next to Bail Organa's. I want to scream and yell for this to stop, for this nightmare to end, but it will not. Of all the tragedies I had to face, this is by far the worst.

"There, it is done then." Bail Organa says.

As he picks up the paper from me, I run out of the room and onto a balcony.

"Ani!" I cry, not caring if people hear me. "Ani, why did you do this to me? Why couldn't we live in peace? Why? Ani!"

With that, I feel everything go black as I succumb to a faint.

The last thing I think as I fall into semi-consciousness is, _Ani, our love ruined everything. And now…I don't even have my daughter to comfort me._

_Ani…all I did was love you. Why did love destroy us?

* * *

_

Author's Note: I cried writing this! Okay, this was sad, but I still have Epilogue Part II to give a semi-happy ending. So please wait ONE MORE CHAPTER for the end!


	15. The Final Farewell

**To Love a Jedi**

**Epilogue Part II: The Final Farewell**

Author's Note: _Sniff_…last chapter…oh the sorrow I feel!

* * *

_Leia, no matter what you think of me now, you need to know, I've always love you, and I will always love you. Please forgive me._

I wipe a tear away and put the book down. So that's it. That's how all this happened. I cannot believe…it's so horrible…and yet it was real…

No wonder Mummy never told me of this. Well, she died when I was only 4, yet…it's almost too horrible for me to realize now. She blames herself for all this, but why? Sometimes fate is cruel. It was fated for this to begin with my father…and for Luke to end this.

_My father…_

I look at the box that is next to me. Inside are all the things Mummy decided to keep from me. It's a good thing she wanted to be buried in Naboo, and all her stuff moved over to her lake retreat, or I would have never known…

Inside I see that holoprojector I had looked at earlier. But I had no idea who it was. I pull it out and press the button. A handsome blond man is shown. On closer inspection, the man is wearing jedi robes.

That's him. That is my father…Darth Vader.

I can see why my mother found love in him. He is an attractive man—was an attractive man. By her account, he was so kind…and loving…I can see how any woman would fall in love with him.

But I doubt many women would make the sacrifice my mother would make. She lost everything because she fell in love. I can barely comprehend the suffering she went through…How could someone live through that without despair? I remember her as being sad…but I never knew…

She asks me to forgive her. And I do. I have to. I know love can make people make stupid choices sometimes…As I have daily proof with my so called _marriage_ to a certain space pirate.

It's a good thing Han and I learned of this lake retreat a while ago, or I would have never known…

"Leia, are you in here?"

Great, he's going to happen upon me while I'm crying my eyes out. "What are you doing?" Han repeats, coming into the bedroom.

I wipe most of the tears away, looking back at my husband. "Nothing. Just going through some stuff I found in the closet."

"Really? Why would you bother going through some old junk like that?"

"This _old junk_ belonged to my mother. As did this entire place, may I remind you!" Sometimes I hate his disregard for anyone's feelings.

At least he can tell when someone's sensitive on a subject. "Okay, take it easy, I didn't mean any offense or anything. I just mean that…" He grins. "This bed looks _a lot _more interesting. And comfy too. We could make _good _use of it tonight."

Force, is that all he thinks about? "Han, can you please cut the jokes, I'm not in the mood."

He winks. "That wasn't a joke, sweetheart."

Time for an explosion. "Han, I don't care what you want to do, but the fact is I am not in the mood for anything! Get it!"

At least that gets him to shut up. "All right, all right, what's the problem?"

I sigh. Getting through to Han is like trying to drill through ice on Hoth. "My mother wrote me on what happened to her…and…it was awful!"

"Awful? Wait…didn't your mother live right before the old republic collapsed?"

"Yes…" I reply, wondering what he is going to say.

He shakes his head. "_Everyone _I talked to who lived at that time said it was awful. You should listen to Chewie's stories sometime."

Well, I understand that times were hard, but come on! How insensitive can he be! "Han, not everyone was secretly married to Vader, you know."

"Oh…_ohh…" _Finally you get it.

"Yes, _ohhh_ is right. Now if you don't mind, I'd just like to go to my mother's grave on my own." I stand up.

He stands up also. "I'm coming too. Just in case you need someone to cry on."

Well…he may be insensitive, but at least he can make up for it. "Okay."

* * *

My mother's grave is a granite pillar, covered with flowers and ivy that have grown up around it. It looks plain, but there is writing in the middle. It reads: 

_Padmé Naberrie Amidala Skywalker_

_Queen, Senator, and Wife_

_May her beloved soul find peace beyond the stars_

I remember the day she died. Not much…but just a small moment. She was very sick. I learned later that she had just given up hope…and so she just got weaker. I was sitting by her bed…and she said, "I love you Leia." Sometimes, I see that in dreams I have. In my dreams, she says I love you to Luke and…to Ani. I never knew who Ani was until…today.

I had thought that my years in the rebellion were rough, but…compared to my mother, my pain was minimal…A small tear runs down my cheek as I think of my mother who I hardly remember…

"So that's it?" Han asks. He stares at it. "You never told me your mother was a Queen."

I too, am in shock. I heard my title was "Princess" Because they were trying to pass me off as the Princess of Alderaan. "I-I didn't know…I only knew she was a senator…"

There are so many things I never knew about her. So many things she could have told me if she lived. Why did she have to die? Why?

I am starting to cry. "Han…hold me." I ask. And I pour out my sorrow into my husbands shoulder.

* * *

"_Ani, look!" The woman holds out her right hand, where a gold band is secured on her 4th finger. _

"_Do you see this?" She asks, tears streaming down her face. "I have never taken it off, not once from the moment you gave it to me…"_

I jerk awake. It takes me only a second to identify the person in the dream, my mother. She was showing Ani her wedding ring, the one she had never taken off…

Speaking of the wedding ring, they had never found it. I am told that she said she wanted to give it to me, but after she died, they couldn't find it. I wonder where it went…

A loud snore from Han interrupts my thoughts. I probably would have thought twice about marriage if I had known he snored before hand. At least he didn't ask to make _good use_ of this bed after we got back from the grave. To tell the truth, I _really _wasn't in the mood by then.

I just wonder…what would have happened…if my father had never gone over to the darkside? Luke and I would have grown up brother and sister, we would have learned our powers, I would have known my mother, he would have known his father…

I know there is no hope for that now, but I still wonder…

There is a noise out in the hall. "Padmé?" A male voice asks.

"Ani!" A female voice squeals in joy.

Wait…Did I just hear what I _thought _I heard? That can't be possible…my parents are dead!

"I can't believe you're finally back!" The woman continues. "It has been so long…"

"I know, I know. It has been too long. I won't leave for that long again. I promise."

I heard them again. This is just too weird. Unless I am hearing things, I would swear that they are right outside my door. I have to investigate…

I get up from the bed and cautiously go to the door. Taking a deep breath, I turn the handle. Slowly I walk outside. I don't see anyone in the hallway, but…I have to take a look.

I slowly walk along the hallway, until I see a blue light. With a small gasp, I look at it…and see the ghost like images of two people embracing. I hide behind a curtain as I look on them. The man is tall and blond, with jedi robes. The woman is dark haired and shorter, and she is hugging him like she hadn't seen him in years.

No doubt about it. I am looking on the ghosts of my parents. But…what is going on? Why didn't I ever see them before?

"Ani…can you promise me that you'll never be separated from me again?" My mother asks.

He nods. "Yes, Padmé, now that everything is done…we can finally be together forever…"

"Forever…" She repeats, with a happy look on her face. "I waited for you for so long…I was worried if you would ever come back to me."

He gives a small laugh. "You couldn't keep me away even if you tried. But now I'm back…and I'm never leaving you."

My mother looks back at him, taking his hand. "Let's go, Ani. Let us be together…together for all eternity." They turn, and walk towards a white light.

No! Wait! "Mummy!" I cry, running towards her. "Wait, Mummy!" Just like I did when I was young… "Don't leave!"

The man and the woman turn back to me, with surprised looks on their faces…everything is getting blurry…

* * *

I jerk awake for what seems like the second time this night. I look around me, just to be sure. I am still in the bed, with Han snoring beside me. It takes me a second to stop panting. So it was a dream…I dreamed I saw my parents leave for the land of the dead… 

I close my hand into a fist. Why did they have to leave! They could have said goodbye or—

I feel something in my fist…wait…what is that? I open my fist and look into its…its…_my mother's wedding ring._

I hold it up to the light. How did I get this? I was told it was lost…

Suddenly, two faint figures appear in a corner of my room…my mother…and my father…She holds up her right hand. On her 4th finger is a ghostly version on the ring I am holding. My mother and father stare at me with a look of affection I have never seen…a look of parents proud of their child…

"Leia…" My mother says in a voice that brings back memories. "Do not cry about the past. That was my mistake. You need to think about the future…your future…do not cry for me…work on your life, and live it to the fullest."

I do not know what to say…all I manage to get out is, "Goodbye Mummy, and…" I look over at the man beside her. "Father…"

They both smile. "Goodbye, my daughter. I shall watch you always." My mother says.

"May the force be with you." My father adds.

Slowly, they fade away.

I sigh and look back down at the ring. My mother is right…I cannot think too much on the past. I have my future to think about…my future with Han…

I put the ring on the bedside table. I finally know the story of my mother, her tragedy, her sorrow, her trials and suffering…yet there was happiness, in the end…

My mother and father were not allowed to be together in life. Yet they can live together forever in death. _Together forever…_

_Fin

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Author's Note: Yes, it is finally over! Now for my end of story speech!

This story was made as sort of a sequel/prequel (whatever you would call it) to my first SW story, Mixed Emotions. It was made to celebrate the coming of the new movie (YAY, CAN'T WAIT!) This was also a chance for me to explore the angst genre, of sadness and whatnot. I have to say, it turned out better than expected! With a lot of reviews I didn't expect! So I thank all of you:

**suckr4romance81789 **- For writing reviews since the 1st chap!

**veralidaine tinuviel **- For your good humored reviews.

**Organa46 **- For keeping me in line with the Star Wars story.

**LVB **- For your encouragement.

**Padawan Sydney Bristow **- For cheering me on as I tried to get this finished on time.

**Lelen - **For keeping me updating on a regular basis.

And to **Shorty51, me, liz, Jokerisdaks, nature, MEL, eomlas, suspensegirl, miss kilis wale, Redneck626Arya4LayaSparrow, arliddian, Encouragedtolove, KDSkywalker, meyarose, gauss1.**

May the force be with you!

Next 2 stories: (Yes, I am being an idiot and working on 2 at the same time again!)

**It's Not Like You'll Marry Me!** – Sequel to my RH romance, **It's Not Like You're In Love With Me!**

**Heiress of Port Royal** – Sequel to my PotC AU (romance, what else?), **Heir of the Black Pearl**

Hope to see some of you guys there! Au revoir! Bye now!


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